One month down, zero casualties

[Raine]

Wonka, I nearly grabbed the easy-bake oven out today after reading your post. That is just the perfect size for his phone.

AJ, it's a weird dynamic for sure. I didn't think I would be in this situation. The plan in my mind was always I would let him come home once he had proven through long continuous action that he had changed, woken up, and wanted to work on us. Now I'm like "Uh...what happened." At what point do I ever have anything go according to plan? Now it will be interesting to see how things actually play out. I wish I had some clue as to how things are going to happen from here on out. The only thing I'm definite on is the timeline for achieving the goals I've set for myself.

Linda, so true about why isn't the love of the person who knows you and care about you more than anyone else in the world enough? With my H, nothing is enough. It's all just a selfish game to see what he can conquer next. Who can he use to make him feel better about himself. I don't know if I will ever be enough for him. And I don't want him on any other terms.

TVS, I love your sense of humor too. I think a good sense of humor is an absolute must to make it through this intact. I'm happy that he is feeling safe here. It was not very long ago that he really made me feel bad by saying that he is not comfortable here, that this is my house, and that he feels like he is an intruder when he is here. Now it is like he never left, that this is his as much as mine, except for the master bedroom.

One of my friend's H who left to have an affair wanted to make sure his wife would take him back before he broke up with the OW. Like he couldn't stand not having the option, or being without someone for even five minutes. That's what I feel like with my H right now too. He needs the options.

T2, I hate that the test always seems to change too. What I sense from him is always changing, like at some points I feel like he wants me and at others he doesn't. I just don't know what is real or fake either. I think I do, but I can't ever be sure.

He plays all the OW. I kind of wonder with OW5 if there is no challenge there and she is also the one who knows he is playing the field, while all the other ones think they are the only one. He told OW5 that he has a friend(OW2) he wants to hook up with on this next trip, that he didn't last trip because he had a better offer(OW3), but this time he wants to. He said he will just have to sweet talk her. And so he has been. He has been telling OW3 he loves her. Saying he wants to just go on a walk with her when he is there, and if it goes further than that, it's just icing. He just wants to spend some time with her. I believe this was his first cheating companion, the one that like started a few years ago, but has not been a full PA. He has also talked to me about her, and I have never heard anything positive. She can't hold down a job. She does things that annoys people. She got fired for sexual harassment. I wonder if he went after her, after that firing. I'm really not sure at what point they had a physical encounter. I can only guess, based on when he seemed to be guilt ridden and hinting at things.

I wonder if he is winding down with the OW, but he wants to make sure he has done everything he wanted to. Very limited encounters since he moved back. It's so crazy to me how he plays them. This OW2 he goes months without talking to her, and then out of the blue reconnects and acts like they're this lovey couple. And then he chats with her once a week for 5 mins, like a check in to make sure she is still on the hook and won't bail on him. Weird, weird, weird. I think I would be upset by all the EA stuff, had he not told OW5 he needed to sweet talk her. Creepy.

Thing between us are the pretty much the same. He's sometimes there for the kids, and sometimes not. He doesn't put the kids to bed or getting them up and ready, even though I'm the one who is up multiple times during the night. He goes to sleep at weird hours, like 3am and sleeps until noon, like I remember doing as a teenager too. He likes to invite people over and is including me with his new group of friends. They're all right, but not at the same point in life as me: younger, not married, no kids, not much in common. He wants to go places with me, do the things I'm doing, but he also wants to have his nights out 3-4 times a week.

Oh, one interesting tidbit, he does not text when we are doing things together anymore. He will sometimes in the car or if we are in the same room, but not during activities. If we are playing games or hanging out with another couple or eating a meal, he puts it away. He left it in his room yesterday while we were playing board games together. I'm glad that I told him that it was something he needs to work on. That one line seemed to have a pretty big impact for the time being.