Mz, I am so sorry you find yourself in this position.
I hope you dont mind if I say a few things.
I wanted to post something to you that a friend of mine posted to someone. I know he wouldnt mind.
And I get how you dont want to ruin your children's senior year. But, your health is important, too.
So, here's the post about boundaries. Hope it helps. Remember boundaries are to protect you. And if you set one, you have to be able to follow up on it.
Think about , very specifically, what you want boundaries on.
List them out and read them (aloud) to yourself. Sometimes reading them aloud will give you a new perspective on them. If they sound funny, then find out why they do, because they might not be a boundary that you need to relay to him....
Make sure, 100%, that you boundaries are NOT for you to "punish" him in any way...
Watch how you deliver them to him. Make sure that you word them without coming across as controlling to him....
Closely examine the words "you", and "I" . Anytime one uses those words, there is a strong chance of using guilt, or blame.
"Always" and "Never" are words that make us hypocrites....try to stay away from them as well.
Make sure that YOU feel good about saying them, and they are only to protect your emotional being, or physical in some cases.
Make sure that you are willing to die on that hill. I.E. = it is worth it to even state them.
Do NOT overstate them. Say what you want ONCE, and rest on that. Don't explain yourself, you have your reasons, just like he has his.
Then you need to back away, and live with those boundaries, and let him live with them. They will cause him to spin a little, but that isn't your problem now.
Use tact, not anger. Tact was described to me as telling someone to go to hell, and they look forward to the trip.
Be the person that you want to be, regardless what happens. You are setting a boundary, not to induce a reaction, but regardless the reaction.
