BD One Year Later

[hopefulinga]

We made it through the credit card issue without a major blow up, although I did try to steer clear of H for the most part. Today he told me he is meeting with the accountant next week to discuss options and needed his mortgage info, and then he was going to talk to a bank.

I asked him if I could be present at the meeting. I told him I understood this was his gig but I would appreciate the courtesy of being in the loop since I pay the bills. He said ok but made it clear he needed to know HIS options, not OURS.

He's honestly clueless that he's in massive debt because he is living well beyond his means. I don't care other than the fact that I want to make sure I don't get screwed out of all that I put into this marriage financially and I want to make sure that H can take care of his 50% for D since she will need life long care.

Then he got weird tonight and asked me where all of the stuff in the living room is going. That is my new mattress and stuff I need for when we move. He made a remark about where we were going to go when the dining room got cluttered, because the living room and guest bed room were full (with my stuff to move). It was like he expected me to put the stuff away somewhere. He never mentioned my moving out.

I ended up walking away before it could escalate.

Yesterday was a decent day over all. He cooked some food, I went to work for a little bit. He asked me to help him with something. I later did some house hunting.

A friend of mine posted a quote of FB having to do with marriage and not walking away when things get difficult and then compared it to walking away from your kids if they became difficult to parent. I sent it to H and I told him that I will not give up on him. While I hate the R that we are in, I know that he is going through some difficult stuff internally, along with the alcohol. Some days, I really do want to throw in the towel. Even if/when I move, I don't think I will give up immediately.