Not New to This Anymore

[steveh27]

Well sandi ... interesting u mention that. We had a nice couple days. The 4th was nice - took the kids to an amusement park and fireworks after with her sisters family in the same sitch but they are almost 3 years in now. Anytime I share with anyone these scenarios or the way we are living ... I get a lot of "weird, odd or thats awkward" statements. It is actually, as thinking back I would never tolerated or allowed myself to be in this type of environment. Fast forward my life and thats exactly what im doing.

W was having a grumpy day today. I let it roll off most of the day but she was short with the kids and sarcastic at times with me. She finally was annoyed enough to get angry at S9 for something small. I asked "are you ok today you seem really annoyed". She mentioned that shes having a hard day and in a bad mood. I wanted to validate but i just said "ok" and let it go. Knowing that our sitch is stressful enough but the kids were getting the brunt of it. She hasnt been doing much with the house the last 3 days in regards to getting it ready to sell. Yesterday we were busy with the kids for the 4th so that was a lost day for that.

It came to a head tonight when I was upstairs and she came up. She said she was going visit her best friend with a health insurance problem. I said "normally I wouldnt mind but I was just ready to go for a run - ill be back in an hour". She said it would be nice to know that before making plans. I slipped and said I guess I could say the same. She then said "dont start". I couldnt believe it and thought about the FO comment from the other day. I should have just done that. It escalated to a serious R talk and her and me getting angry and emotional. A lot was said including the same question Sandi asked me above. I have to be honest and say a part of me still wants to delay this for time. Although I also dont want to feel like im being forced into deciding what my kids fate and my financial future will be while im still confused, angry and depressed at the same time. Some days I want to just give my W what she wants and throw in the towel. Others I want to fight for me and what I think is fair.

So yes Sandi in your infinite wisdom you read between the lines and know that im still holding that rope still. The talk turned really emotional and she said she just wants to be happy and she knows that the other 4 people in the house will not be. I said that I understand that she is not happy right now but it wasnt too long ago you seemed you were. I wrongly said something that made her feel guilty. I said our happiness became something different when we decided to start our family. She finally got mad and said "Fine .. you all win. I dont care anymore. We will stay this way then. We will live in a loveless marriage for the family. You will sleep on that side of the bed and I will sleep on this side until the day I die. I dont want to talk anymore. You win." She then left the house and went to her friends.

I clearly do not want this. She is extra emotional today and struggling with something. I dont know if spending time with her sister preempted this as this is their sitch .. I dont know. Im more confused now - I feel like should just go at this point. I will not be this to someone .. this is something I dont how to deal with. It most likely is her way of venting and releasing some frustration but im noticing her at least thinking about the ramifications of her decision. Not exactly a great way to show it and could actually mean nothing as typical WAS script.

At times I have no clue about anything. Sandi go ahead and give me the 2X4 I deserve. I clearly am not doing this the right way ... not if there is a right way either.