I picked the title of my thread because from reading on this board, I see the vets say how to focus on yourself, etc. Yet, my focus is still about the W and our marriage. I have done a lot about GAL, 180's etc. I think because we live together it makes it harder to detach. Also, I've taken actions to "make her fell loved" per advice of my DB coach. Per the 5LL my W is gift-giving.
My previous thread was titled, "W says she is working her way back to me" because this was one of several positive things she said about us and our relationship. I was way too enthusiastic and optimistic that this was a major turning point. I now realize it was a new equilibrium point in limbo-land. We went from where she was seriously considering separation and/or divorce to where she decided it is best to stay in marriage, but she is missing that “loving feeling” for me. She is not really doing anything to make the marriage better or to show love to me, all her focus is on herself.
We both work full-time and my MIL is with us for the next month to help with our kids. My W’s schedule after work is MTW – she goes to the gym. Friday is our ‘date night’ per my initiation so that we can do things together, and I can show her a good time. I told her last week that I wanted to make Thurs a family night where we actually eat dinner together as a family. My girls are starting to express feelings of mommy neglect since my W spends so little time with them. Our weekends are usually filled with various activities.
We keep busy – it’s part of her MLC change that is driving this, as well as my GAL activities.
Me, I go sailing every Wed after work with friends, and I go flying once a week. These help keep me grounded. I also go to the gym 3 times/week, during my lunch time.
Part of the limbo I’m living in is that my W is very unhappy with her career. She wants to return to school to be a Physician’s Assistant. This would entail her: quitting her job and moving 3-4 hours away from us for at least 1 year, maybe 2. Initially, I told her I supported her, whatever her decision. For awhile she was gung-ho pursuing this, and got all her transcripts and was working on the application. Last week, she had a talk with a friend and she realizes that what she really wants is to be a Medical Doctor, but that would take almost 12 years. She told me (in an email) that she could either go back to school for medicine and work her a$$ off, or stay where she is and distract herself with hobbies.
Yesterday, she was talking to another friend of hers who told her “go for it” with respect to pursuing a new career. My W has not worked on her application in about 2 weeks, so I think she is now on the fence about this. I don’t say/offer anything about this. The application deadline is Sept 1, and a lot can happen by then. I’m just going to let it play out.
So my W's latest thing is that she is going skydiving this Sunday. This is part of her MLC in my opinion. She is doing physical activiies for thrills.
