I think the fact that you were able to put aside your personal feelings and do something generous for her says a lot about the strength of your character. The important thing, of course, is to also remember to take care of yourself too! And if, in the future, she asks you to do something that goes beyond your emotional comfort zone, just know it's okay to put yourself first and tell her no as well.
I think it's perfectly natural to have all these have these conflicting emotions about your X stirring up inside of you and it's really great that you recognize the complexity of it!
Your thread gives me hope that one day I can be strong like you! I always read it when I need some guidance
