Hello Im a 38 year old male with a 3 year old son and a wife who left well kinda. 2 weeks ago she walked out the door saying we have had a great 4 year marriage and I love you but Im not happy, I don't see our future any more and then she left to her moms leaveing me and the baby. She came home 6 days later on a Saturday after hearing our son say mommy come home . She said at this time we will work on our marriage for 6 months to try and fix it that quickly turned into 3 months now end of the month. Now all the issues she was having with me at least the ones exspressed I have been working on some say over dueing yet I have not seen the same from her she just doesn't seem to be trying. what can I do if anything please someone help.
Oh dear! What kind of mum would leave their son with their Dad? Has she got other problems besides, such as depression or mental health issues? Is she going through a mid life crisis? This is what happened to me. My H left me without a good reason, said he was staying with a friend for 2 weeks and came home after a week to say he would try to work at our marriage. This time I put in all the effort and he didn't seem to be trying or telling me what the real issues are. It's pure guess work isn't it? He left about a month later, just like your wife! Have patience, it's early days yet! Don't expect her to come running back quickly and if she does then she's just yoyoing back and forth. I would be very cautious from this day on. If she does want to come back then take things very slowly. Tell her to stay at her mum's and have a few dates together. Visit a counsellor together and make sure it's the right kind of counsellor as described in divorce remedy. I take it you're reading either divorce busting or divorce remedy at the moment? It doesn't just apply to couples getting divorced, it applies to couples in all situations. Come back and chat whenever you want to, I'm here most days You will be on moderation so don't post loads until you get a reply to your last message. We won't be able to keep up Don't worry, you won't be on moderation for long
H47 me48 T22 M21 S20 - Got high functioning autism 3/2000 H admits to OW and moves out to live with her 11/2000 H moves back home 2/4/13 H moves out H tells me he wants D 6/13, but now he can't afford to!
Judd focus in your baby. Give her space and breathing room. Does she have a substance abuse problem or OM? I can't imagine leaving my babies with my H so she must have a good reason. Something she's struggling with or extremely lost. I would ask her to stay at her moms while you all work this out. I know that's scary but absence makes the heart grow fonder. As long as she is in the house with you she won't really be working on it 100 percent. If you can afford it talk to a DB coach pronto. I wish I had taken my coaches advise the first time we separated. Good luck and remember your baby comes first. Take care
M12 Kids 2 ILYBINILWY 08/05 Reconciled 05/06 S07/12 Moved back 03/13 Separated Again 06/24/13 Back Again (his choice) 02/14 Leaving again 03/23/14 DIVORCED 02/15
I agree with DFE I wish I could afford a DB coach, but I live in the UK and it would cost me twice as much as you guys
H47 me48 T22 M21 S20 - Got high functioning autism 3/2000 H admits to OW and moves out to live with her 11/2000 H moves back home 2/4/13 H moves out H tells me he wants D 6/13, but now he can't afford to!
Welcome to the DBing community. I hope you will post every day. The more posts, the faster moderation will end.
Have you read Divorce Remedy? If not, pick up a copy and start getting Michele s information.
II saw your post in the 37 rrules, and you were concerned that it could push the WAS farther away. Most newcomer LBS share those feelings. If you have a question about any particular one, I'll try to help as much as I can.
What are her complaints about you?
"She said at this time we will work on our marriage for 6 months to try and fix it that quickly turned into 3 months now end of the month. Now all the issues she was having with me at least the ones exspressed I have been working on some say over dueing yet I have not seen the same from her she just doesn't seem to be trying. what can I do if anything please someone help."
First of all, you are focused on her efforts instead of your own. The sad truth is when a S gives a time limt in a R, they seldom are committed.....and therefore, you won't see efforts on her side of the fence.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Her main complaint about me was first my gameing so after she left me I got rid of all me gameing systems or deactivated the ones on the computer whitch leads to the other issue my lack of attentiveness.
she so far this morning is showing signs of change like asking if IU want to go with her to get gas or the store. grabbing my arm to pull me closer I don't want to let down my guard from the lessons Ive learned from reading the 37 rules but what do I do? She even said I love you unprevoked.
Her main complaint about me was first my gameing so after she left me I got rid of all me gameing systems or deactivated the ones on the computer whitch leads to the other issue my lack of attentiveness.
she so far this morning is showing signs of change like asking if IU want to go with her to get gas or the store. grabbing my arm to pull me closer I don't want to let down my guard from the lessons Ive learned from reading the 37 rules but what do I do? She even said I love you unprevoked.
I wouldn't have deactivated your consoles, if you enjoy playing them then you should carry on playing them It probably wasn't so much the gaming as the amount of time you spend on them. You've got to do things for you now not her. It's too soon to think about R, if she comes back now she'll go straight back out of the door again! I would get other people's take on this though, not just mine! I'm fairly new with all this 180/Sandi's rules.
H47 me48 T22 M21 S20 - Got high functioning autism 3/2000 H admits to OW and moves out to live with her 11/2000 H moves back home 2/4/13 H moves out H tells me he wants D 6/13, but now he can't afford to!
Be polite and nice.......as if she were a neighbor. Set some personal goals for you to improve yourself as a man. Don't let her friendly ways get your hopes up.
If you are addicted to the gaming, you are showing good faith by putting them away. She probably felt it was consuming your life. Maybe putting them away is the cause of her good mood.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Well she is back at her moms she just was miserable I could see she didn't want to be here I want this to work out so bad. I don't know how to keep up the ruse of being happy when Im clearly not and not saying I love you when I want to so bad or try to have fun and move on when I don't want to how do I do all these things but still keep some integraty or even self. All I want to do is climb a mountain and scream I love honer and cherish you till death do us part till she hears me and runs back to my arms a fairy tail I know
I know that feeling well hope That happened to me earlier this year. Time for you to do a 180 on her and if she wants to come back again, make sure that a lot of time has passed. Use this time to work on yourself and change yourself for the better Go out and enjoy yourself, catch up with old friends, join support groups, do anything that shows her that you're having fun without her. If she does change her mind in the next few weeks, then start dating her again. Ask her to come to counselling with you or mediation. The last thing you need right now is her yoyoing backwards and forwards. I know, this has happened to me as well and trust me it's not pleasant!
H47 me48 T22 M21 S20 - Got high functioning autism 3/2000 H admits to OW and moves out to live with her 11/2000 H moves back home 2/4/13 H moves out H tells me he wants D 6/13, but now he can't afford to!
You will be on moderation so don't post loads until you get a reply to your last message. We won't be able to keep up