Up in the air, LONG

[Demoted26]

Well, I had a brief interaction with H last night & I had an immediate reaction of a wall going up. I was sad all night, didn't get to enjoy my favorite holiday aftera all.
I don't think I am cut out for this. I'm hurt, lonely & unloved. I'm tired of feeling this way. People who go years hearing & seeing hurtful things...yet hang in? You guys & gals are amazing. Strong, brave.
Sadly, I'm not one of you.At least thats how I feel waking up this morning.

It wasn't a bad conversation or anything, he just made another offhand comment that again made me realize our marriage is done in his eyes.
So, ok, I finally got it. I wave the white flag. I surrender.
I just wish he would leave, I don't want to spend the next 3 days together.
Fortunately he has a camping trip coming up with his brothers, so we wont see him for 2 weeks. Unfortunately, I have to get through 2 more weekends.

I'm going to attempt going dim. I want to start packing boxes of my things (I already have some packed from earlier this year). 26 years of household goss to sort is going to be a freaking long, drawn out ordeal. Not looking forward to it.
Should I tell him I'm done too now & want to begin sorting everything out financially, physically, etc? That it's time to consult a lawyer & get info (we plan to diy it IF we can agree, should be able to)?
Or do I just pack MY things & set aside stuff we'll have to decide how to split?
I can't take much, I don't even know where I'm going. All I know is....right now I want out of this house that used to be a home, and more is just a sad reminder of what's been lost.

What a mess.
I want to bawl, bit the tears just won't come anymore. Crazy since I was always "the crier". Like I said, I FEEL a huge wall inside me, separating nr from my emotions now. Now it's time to act, get this done & over with. Then I can truely grieve missing him & the end if the marriage...alone, without him being around all the time.
I kinda feel like a WAS now. Strange.