Im so sorry your here, but your far from alone. Try to always keep in your mindthis cant be fixed right now, but you can break it forever. If you cant slow this down your just causing it to end faster.
Get yourself something to do. Anything for now. You will drive yourself nuts if you dont get some outlets, nothing your wife is doing/done will make sense to you for the near future. So dont worry about what shes doing, just focus on what you can do to take care of yourself. Be ready for a long and rocky journey. Dont worry about what kind of mother she is, cause she wont be one of much. Be there for the kids. And be ready for a million kicks to the groin, so learn to dodge.
I wish I could pass you a red or blue pill and make it all better, sadly thats just gonna happen. Use this post to follow up, vent on a bad day, or come get some advice from some amazing ppl/vets that have this down to a science.
Dont get discouraged when things seem bad, also dont read into things that seem positive or you'll just be setting yourself up for more disappointments. Its a long long journey, and you just opened the door of the car.
