lovethehub, Bel123, tori2012, BrightFuture, hopefulinga, and SemperFi00, thank you so much for the support, y'all are awesome
I saw W a couple of times yesterday. The first time was at 1:00 PM when I went over to pick up S10 to go buy fireworks. She looked as spent as I've seen her look in ages. I mentioned to her that she looked tired and asked her if she was feeling OK. She said she had just gotten up (at 1 PM!!) and didn't have any makeup on and that's why she looked tired. I just nodded, although I've seen her many, many times without makeup and that's not why she looked that way. It's probably not the cancer itself, but rather the stress from worrying about it. I wish she'd open up to people instead of keeping stuff like that bottled up inside, but that's the way she has ALWAYS been and is possibly the biggest reason our M is in tatters. She simply will not communicate her emotions to others. Anyway, S10 and I went and bought the fireworks (it's still legal to shoot them off in yards in our area) and I took him back to W's, I told her we would shoot them off after D16 got off work and that W was welcome to come over as well. She came over around 8:30 and dropped off S10, but didn't stay. Said she was too tired, and boy did she ever look dog-tired. I just thanked her for dropping him off and saw her out to her car. I obviously can't say much to her since I still don't officially "know".
D16 and D18 came over shortly after and (along with S10 and a couple of his friends) we shot off 250 bucks worth of fireworks. It was quite a display! I let S10 help light some of them (used a long punk to make sure he was safe, and I was right there with him) and he really loved that! They stayed until 1 am watching a few shows and then headed back to W's house. Unfortunately I had to work today, and morning came particularly early today, LOL!
Tori, thanks for the book suggestion!
Originally Posted By: hopefulinga
I've lived through 4 surgical procedures between December and March with my H, including heart surgery.
So sorry to hear that! OVer the past few years I've been through a lot with my dad, he's had quintuple bypass surgury, a pacemaker, chemo and radiation for throat cancer and several hernia surguries. He's aged 20 years in the past few. He's also had that "fear of death" in his eyes that you described, I've never seen him so scared. He used to be a strong, confident figure and is now just a mess. He used to say he welcomed death due to his beliefs, but once he really faced it he suddenly learned to fear it more than anything. It's tough to see loved ones go through this. Some people emerge stronger than before, and others just fall apart.
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I had a lot of people tell me that H would re-think life, and maybe he did, I don't know.
I don't see this leading W to any kind of revelation that she wants our M again, and I'm not expecting that. But that's fine, I want to help her because I think she's a great person, not because I want the M back.
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I've had to remind myself to love unconditionally so that I don't feel used through all of this.
