Can't go forward - cant go back

[dustmeoff]

Like the title says I am stuck.
Anyone else felt this ?
I am in a loving relationship , but I can't even get my head around living together with him. He stays 4 nights a week, wants to look at buying a house together etc etc but its like I have something stuck in my throat and I think it's my ex

Can't go back, tooooo much water under the bridge or let's say I would not know where to start the work. My ex says things which I believe is mixed messages ( remembering I am a woman that reads anything into anything ) , we are not divorced and I have no inclination to do the paperwork.
So what now !
How do I see my path ahead

[figgeroni]

end one relationship before beginning another. Why would you move in with someone else if you aren't divorced yet

why aren't you divorced?

if you are still married because you are holding onto hope, why are you in another relationship?

if you are done with your marriage, and want this new relationship then get out of your marriage

[paige40]

It is hard to put yourself into a new relationship if you are still in an old one. Even if you think you are done part of you must be holding on a bit if you have no inclination to do the paperwork. I think deep inside you know what to do. What is your heart telling you to do?

[dustmeoff]

That is so easy to say and it makes perfect sense but to cut that final tie when I never wanted the divorce is just too hard

[dustmeoff]

I have no idea what to do
To give my all and be totally vulnerable to new guy is petrifying .
To lay it all on the line with xh and write him a letter and be guided by his response is petrifying
So here in no mans land I sit

[sayitaintso]

I think you need to wait until your heart and your head are reconciled.

Give yourself more time.

[paige40]

I totally understand. I didn't want the d either. I did file because I felt I had to in order to move on with my life. still not divorced but thats another story. If you aren't ready to divorce then you aren't ready to be in a new relationship.

Not making a decision is making a decision. It isn't fair to the new guy if you aren't ready for a relationship.

[dustmeoff]

That does make sense.
'not making a decision is making a decision'
New guy (18months ) seperated 15 years and not divorced.
At this stage i dont want to remarry but its not actually about the action of getting diviorced i am worried about. Its more about this feeling of being stuck.
I just thought others may of felt this and if its time tht sorts it out , or is it more work on myself.
I dont really want to be on my own again. Spent 3 years and that was long enough

[dustmeoff]

Do you think that being divorced does propel you forward and allows you to be fully engaged in a new relationship ?

To me it will be just another tie cut but somewhere deep in my heart lives that hope and what if and can it be ...this is the feeling I need to eradicate in order to fuly love again.

[dustmeoff]

I don't want to give up on my marriage.
I don't know why.