For you, as the emotions tumble for the next while:
This being human is a guest house. Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness, some momentary awareness comes as an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all! Even if they are a crowd of sorrows, who violently sweep your house empty of its furniture, still, treat each guest honorably. He may be clearing you out for some new delight.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice. meet them at the door laughing and invite them in.
Be grateful for whatever comes. because each has been sent as a guide from beyond.
Last weekend at Christian family camp with just D7 was a blast. We did everything she wanted (horseback riding, zip lined over the lake, did the high lines, climbed a 25 foot telephone pole then jumped to a trapeze, etc...). Even got to sleep in the treehouses which she always wanted to do. Funny that she seemed to gravitate to the things we hadn't done in years past rather then fun things we had already done. Tons of memories and a great bonding experience. I only got emotional twice but nothing major (knew it would be hard seeing all those families and still wishing my W and S5 were there). Pretty sure D7 had no idea what I was feeling, she just saw us having a riot.
When I was driving us home while she slept the thought crossed my mind, I wonder if our kids know how much they help us get through these things. I'm being the rock they need at times but my kids are making me act like a kid again and helping keep my mind on what's important and not get dragged down into thoughts of the D or the uncertain future.
Funny thing I didn't think about going in to the weekend (I really am oblivious to this stuff). Apparently if you put a church going man that is big into the men's ministry at a family church camp showing his D7 time of her life and no ring on his finger puts a neon blinking sign above your head. I've never talked to so many single moms in my life. I never went looking for the talks. D7 and I never ate a meal without a new one at our table. At one point D7 even asked me why all these new people were talking with us. It was crazy; it felt good but also made me realize I have no interest (yet) in any new R's.
What else...for most part I've been doing pretty good. Monday, the day of D, was REALLY rough. Knowing it was coming and believing it's best for me at this time still didn't prepare me. Heck, I spent almost an hour in the court parking lot crying which was a surprise. I still carry baggage from my upbringing of having a broken home where dad was gone and it seemed to all come out when it was made "official". I was telling a friend that it was actually a harder day for me then BD was, guess because it was really done and the hope of saving M and full family were gone (at least at this time, no idea what the future holds). Being the man of a broken family was always one of my biggest fears and I had a lot of failure type feelings on D day. I knew some of the feelings were "real" and some weren't warranted but I took the day to let them all play out. Day 2 was easier and now I'm mostly back to 'normal' and feeling pretty strong. One thing I vowed after BD was that nothing would ever spin me out like BD initially did and completely paralyze me. Glad it only took a day or 2 to get back to normal.
I've been working on starting the next chapter of my life. Some things I'm really excited about and obviously nervous about a few others. The house is on the market and getting a lot of calls about it already. I've been busy fixing little things around the house and getting things moved out of it getting ready to move. Also started taking more serious look at houses, market is so hot up here that things are moving quickly. All the other paperwork crap is submitted (direct deposit changed, joint credit cards cancelled, insurance crap, W4 forms, mortgage pre-approved, etc...).
Personality is who the world sees, character is who you are
So good to hear that you are handling things well Spartan.
Thoughts and prayers are with you. Stay strong!
Me-48,W-51 M-22,T-24 S- 18,16,9 Feb-Jul '11 Away from Home, after initial B date Aug-Dec '11 Back at Home on couch Dec '11-now Same bedroom, room mates only Dec '14 W files initial D paperwork
One thing I found strange came out this week with W. She told me she wasn't changing her name. With all the crap she's spewed over the years about me and my family and the resentment and anger she's still grasping so tightly too I expected her to change her name. All her friends and all the women I can think of that are D'd changed their name.
Is this normal, especially for mom's with kids? I really can't think of anyone besides my mom that didn't change their name...
It really doesn't make a bit of difference to me, I just found it odd and was curious.
Personality is who the world sees, character is who you are
Love getting my Spartan Book of the Week fix.... As for the church and single thing, my guess is you're gonna be up to your eyeballs in " just thought I'd drop these over, since I seem to have made extra".
If you can say that with southern accent, it's a bonus
Kidding aside, you sound good, as good as you should sound
I've been following your threads for quite some time, although never started posting until now. I just wanted to tell you that I admire your attitude and strength on this long journey.
Oh! And as for the name change, when my parents got divorced (and it was pretty messy), my mom did not change her name back after the divorce was finalized. I'm not entirely sure what her reasoning was, although I imagine it was related to my younger sister and me.
Hey Spartan I wish I had some words of wisdom but im far from wise in these matters. Its so nice and helpful and caring to have others that do help those that dont. Although you seem to be navigating very well all things considering.
Im sure I will be going through much of the same at some point. I just wanted to take the time to let u know im thinking of u and your family.
M: 43 W: 43 Married: 17 Together: 20 BD: 4/8/13 no legal or physical S as of yet 3 kids: S:14 D:13 D:9 W admitted EA: 5/5/13 Mediation started: 6/3/13 W says EA is done: 6/30/13 - still interested in D
I know some women choose to keep the married name as it makes it less confusing with young children. And then there's the whole bureaucratic mess of changing the name at 100 different places...
I hear the market has heated up here (this time of year, everything is hot ) and someone actually asked if my house was for sale cause they'd love to live in it. I'm not ready to move but it did get my gears turning.
((( )))take each day as it comes.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
) and someone actually asked if my house was for sale cause they'd love to live in it. I'm not ready to move but it did get my gears turning.