GM, I'm sorry to hear about your mom. I'm glad you and the boys spent some time w/her yesterday. It does mean a lot to her. Unfortunately, your h is in his own little world and his empathy chip is broken. I'm sorry he's still acting like a deranged idiot, especially right now w/your mother being ill.
I do hope you have a pleasant weekend. Please do something special for yourself.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.