@Dawn of Hope - Thank you so much for your post! I really appreciate you encouragement. And I am praying for you and your situation. While I would stand for my M if I was the only one (because it is for God and not any other reason), it helps to stand with others for the support of God and His covenant with us.
I loved the story about your cat, btw. I am dealing with a house full of pets myself and I have to work on it so it doesn't smell like a kennel, lol.
Stay in the Word and it will stay in you.
Me:56, W:51 D:26,S:24,S:22 Married:18 Bomb 9/27/06 Separated 11/27/06 Divorced 10/6/08 Leaving it up to God
"I know you are intentionally referring to her as my X to probably try to have me accept that she is gone. "
Actually, MMF, the fact that you referred to her as your W totally went over my head.
As far as the space issue...I am only trying to point out that your *W* seems to feel that you are in her space. Perhaps you are only seeing her in certain situations, true, but it appears that messages about each other's lives are traveling back and forth. Is this healthy?
And I don't think you are insane for choosing to hold the stance you do--so long as you are not, as some people say, "standing still." If you still have the emotional stamina, then I say go for it. Some people do such things successfully, and I also feel that part of being successful is knowing that you have done the very best that you could.
At the same time, perhaps there are things that need to change. It is valuable to look at the ending and consider where things are.
M: 16 years Bomb 4/07 OW 20s long gone Divorced 11/09 I remarried New Guy Cooperative r w/X regarding D
Still praying. Still taking care of my kids. I see the impact of what happened between my W and me causing ripples with my kids. Yes, people make poor choices but two kids still in therapy, being thrown of the course of education and "normal" directions are exactly what I have read regarding the impact of divorce on children, adding some poor lifestyle choices for my W doesn't help them. My children, while they obviously do love me, do not understand why my daily activities do not include dating, drinking or going to concerts or other "party" activities like their mother. The reason for me is that my family is still the second most important part of my life, first being my relationship with God. Since I am private when it comes to faith, they don't hear me praise Jesus or see me going from one Christian related activity to another. What they see is that I work (A LOT because my job requires it and my job has been tenuous for the entire time since my W left) and my off time is being at home.
I still believe that I have to ride this out. It is in my heart that I still love her. I cannot explain it. While I am not a person that stops loving a person, I am the kind of person that if someone doesn't want me in their lives, I stop thinking about how to be with that person. In this case, I still love her and it cannot be from me. When I feel hopeless, something comes across my path such as a scripture, a saying, a book, a movie, or a casual conversation, that tells me things are not what they seem.
And my W is worth waiting for. I've asked myself so many times, if it was 10, 15 or 20 years after my life collapsed and we were together again, would I regret standing AND WAITING, would it be worth it? I would have to say, yes. She was the best friend I ever had. She was an awesome mom. And she is still family, no matter that I rarely see her and our conversations are nothing more than polite. I only see her in what it has to do with the kids. She does seem done with me. She isn't mean. We never have bad words toward each other and I don't believe she says anything bad about me (anymore) to the kids. And I've never said a bad word about her to my kids (or anyone else for that matter).
So why do I wait? Because I believe that love is unconditional. I do believe that I made a promise to her and to God that I would love her for better and for WORSE until death do us part. Yes, I know she made a choice to leave. I didn't stop her and I do nothing to try and get her back. I don't look forlorn when I see her and I don't make little comments. And it is her choice to do what she wants.
My choice is to wait on God. He says to be still and to wait on Him. For those who aren't believers, I know you won't understand that. And that's okay. I wouldn't try to make you think otherwise but for me, I do believe and He has given me too many reasons and examples not to disbelieve Him. Things that have happened in my life are not lucky or fortunate but ironic and could only have happened by some parent that keeps an eye out for me.
And so I wait because I think He wants me to.
Thanks for reading.
Me:56, W:51 D:26,S:24,S:22 Married:18 Bomb 9/27/06 Separated 11/27/06 Divorced 10/6/08 Leaving it up to God
Missmyfriend, I myself am still a Stander, some think I am wasting my time in doing so, but I am only doing what God has called me to do.I will stand until God releases me from this stand, I ask God daily "is this the day I can let go"? his answer is still WAIT...BE STILL....DONT GIVE UP ON ME....so here I am 6 yrs. later. The love I have for him is different than when I first came here can't explain it just different....I will honor my vows until death do us part, he is remarried to another but that doesnt bother me anymore I have a life, a good life I take care of myself and enjoy my free time like I tell my family I am going to have a testimony one day of Gods power and the power of prayer and God will get all the glory.....so glad to see I am not the only one who feels as you do.....a stander for life or until God says I can let go....
Ilikemenow, you put that so well. Its not up to us but up to Him. When we interfere, things don't turn out like it should. If we are patient and let Him hold us, we will have our miracle. I look forward to the day you and I will have our testimonies. Standing together!
I don't believe it has to have anything to do with a god. One can decide to stand for their M, their vows, and not be a believer. I explicitly asked the judge presiding over our M to not mention God, yet I hold my vows sacred, and continue to stand by my W of 30 years. I hope you can accept this just as I accept your beliefs. Love.
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
@Foreveryoung, then this is not the thread for you. While I respect your choice to believe what you want, your purpose was an attempt to diminish what I and others who have responded, believe. For us, as Christians, we believe that we have a covenant between ourselves, our spouse and God. I would ask you to respect our beliefs and not worry about responding to this thread. I am sure there are other threads you can speak your mind. And I do hope your marriage is restored.
@Foreveryoung, then this is not the thread for you. While I respect your choice to believe what you want, your purpose was an attempt to diminish what I and others who have responded, believe.
My comments were not a swipe at anyones beliefs, and I truly apologize for offending you. My comment was aimed at this comment:
Originally Posted By: MMF
I still believe that I have to ride this out. It is in my heart that I still love her. I cannot explain it...
For those who aren't believers, I know you won't understand that.
In fact, some of us non believers do understand exactly what you stand for.
May peace be with you and your family, MMF.
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
