I can't imagine how any of them can come back from what they have done. It worries me. Sort of like: even if he ever did have insight and wanted to reconcile, how could he, knowing what he did?
Obviously some do come back from it and deal with what they have done, but HOW?
What, for instance, do they say to their kids, to their extended families and in-laws - i.e., to people who do not 'get it' like DBers do?
This is why Michele instructs us to NOT involve family in our sitches. The less they know the better... Keep the path home clean and smooth and all that.
I'm so thankful my W's and my families basically know nothing about our sitch. Even in cases where families know stuff, we can still strive to keep it to a minimum. You don't want families pushing for R, or pulling for D... but that's exactly what will happen when we allow them to get involved.
If the cat's already out of the bag, then we need to make things seem better, or at least tolerable when interacting with family. That way it makes it easier for family to let the wayward back in.
TVS did a good job of this recently while talking to her sister.
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
