Hello everyone. I am still here. It has been a very rough week and I am trying very hard to keep myself together. Thank you all from the bottom of my heart for your support and caring.
As for the attack since I didn't actually see who it was as they were behind me the whole time holding my arms and covering my mouth the police cannot do anything. And no restraining order as I have no proof. It is so frustrating.
As first H was really upset and went looking for JW. Took H 3 days to find her. Of course she denied it and said I was crazy and a liar. Then H backed off from us even more. However the last few days H has been here a lot and has told me that he knows I would never lie to him like that. H is so confused he doesn't know what to believe--his words, not mine. I really don't care what he believes just keep her away from my family.
I am just completely worn down and wiped out. This is consuming my life and my soul it seems like. I am in a very dark scary place right now and I hate it so much. How did my life turn into this..I just feel everything is out of my control. I just cry and feel miserable. I was trying so hard..
All your words have comforted me in the darkest times the last few days. I need to try and start getting up and moving forward again. I feel so totally alone and then I remember I have you all and you know what this Hell is like.
Can you get away for awhile? What are your finances like? Even if you hop in the car and drive. I think at least, a few days away will help.
And listen, when I first learned of GF, I almost broke. I made doctor give me Ativan in a really low dose, just enough to stop the hamsters on the wheel. If you are not adverse, you may want to try.
Hi everyone. Still holding on or at least trying to. H just told me a few hours ago that he and JW are broken up. Do you know how totally screwed up it is having your H tell you he has broken up with his JW?? Oh wait you all know where I am coming from.
H supposedly stopped paying JW cell phone bill so she would stop calling me and harassing me. I think that if his lips are moving he is lying so I don't know what to believe.
H says he still wants to divorce because we can't keep going on like this. whatever this is.... H wants to get his own place as soon as possible and said that I wouldn't like his roommate or who he had stay over night. It hurts me so much when he talks like that but I keep it to myself.
I just don't know what to do anymore. But then he just called and wanted to know if i wanted to go out to breakfast with him in the morning. WHAT??
H says he is very depressed and is upset about his life right now. All he says he is doing is sleeping and working. I am more confused now than I have been.
Thank you all for being here for me. I am trying to get out of this place and move forward and knowing you are here is so wonderful.
Limbo, It's a vicious rollercoaster. Please my friend, don't get pulled into his rollercoaster ride. Don't let his confusion make you confused. You deserve to be ok regardless what he decides to do. I think that's what the GAL and PMA means. I think I'm just starting to understand what GAL and PMA really mean after 90 days. I'm very thick headed..LOL :)) How is your garden growing this year? I miss mine sooooo much.
Hi Limbo. Glad to hear there haven't been any more attacks, and that your H "broke up" with Junkie Whore. Yes, that IS messed up, but I so long to hear those words from my own H. I did with his first EA, back in 9/2011. She apparently sent him a message meant for another man LOL. He was SO p!ssed! And told me he realized that I was worth 10 of her. But what did he think, that she was over there in Russia living a celibate life while he was here in NY living with his wife?!? Maybe the trouble is that they don't think!
"H says he still wants to divorce because we can't keep going on like this. whatever this is.... H wants to get his own place as soon as possible and said that I wouldn't like his roommate or who he had stay over night. It hurts me so much when he talks like that but I keep it to myself."
That D-as-soon-as-possible talk is just part of the usual MLC dribble script. Don't make that easy for him and I doubt he'll carry through. And to say that you wouldn't like his roommate! Not if it's a woman!
But where is he living now Limbo? Still sleeping on someone's floor? Is he finally paying the mortgage and bills?
"H says he is very depressed and is upset about his life right now. All he says he is doing is sleeping and working. I am more confused now than I have been."
Oh Limbo, that's because he's confused. And unhappy. Bluedown is right, don't get on your H's roller coaster. Their confused minds go from one thing to the next so fast. It makes your head spin. I find myself pondering something my H has told me, only to hear he has changed his mind and is on to something completely different 10 minutes later. It keeps happening, and I keep falling for it. I think the important thing for us is to know who WE are, to have a stable consciousness of our own worth as a person. Because our Hs need us to be their rock of sanity. And that's so hard while we're living with their insanity!!!
Linda
Me 65, Ex 64 M 38 y 2 adult S, 4 G-Kids MLC 11/07 BD 12/09 D 3/14 Dating nice guy 7/14 Engaged to nice guy 12/17
Thanks Blue and Linda for the encouragement. I so very much need it. We got into a huge fight last night. I ended up sobbing out of control like a maniac and he just walked away shaking his head saying I needed to stop it that I was crazy and needed help. And by the way he and JW are back together. I don't know how much more I can take of this drama.
H is such an idiot about JW and she has him so brainwashed or whatever it is. I question myself over and over...will he ever wake up from this??? I need to pull myself out of this awful place I am in I know that. I didn't even get dressed yesterday. That is not like me. I slept on and off most of the day.
Please forgive me everyone for acting like this. I hate it. I need to start back over at step one I think. Do I have to it in me to keep doing this?? I feel so stupid for loving this monster...
Limbo, you need to stop reacting to your H’s actions. I know it is difficult, but you NEED to do it for you. Your H doesn’t know what he wants. The only thing he knows is that he doesn’t want the drama between the two of you. His R with JW is new, so he will be fluctuating back and forth until it gets old. I’m sure there will be lots of drama too, so you need be on the other side of equation, upbeat, happy, and pleasant.
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
