Husband has one foot out the door!

[chasingpavements]

I need to change the Title of my thread to "Husband has TWO feet out the Door".

My H has just informed me that he is staying at his brother's apartment for the next 2 weeks. He says he needs "time and space", I think it is to think things over. I have been DB'ing like crazy at home, and giving him LOTS of space, however, when I DO see him, he just looks so sad and lost. He said that after 2 weeks we will talk again. AHHHHH... what on earth is THAT conversation going to go like?????

He is staying at his brother's for the next 2 weeks, and coming to my house after work to be with me and the kids for a few hours, then returning to his brother's apartment for the night.

He did say some positive things, like he really doesn't want to split our family apart and he wants us to work out. I was actually surprised when he said that he wants us to work out.

I went out to the back deck to read while he packed up his work clothes for tomorrow. He came out to ask if I was ok. Then he said, "I'm Leaving." I said, "Ok bye". Then he left and I started bawling when he was gone

I am wondering if I should stick around the house when he comes to visit the kids during the week. I suppose I should, since that is now my only time for him to notice my DB'ing.

[chasingpavements]

I am kind of relieved in a way that he has left, since being around him has been draining me. He has been so grumpy and distant. I would be keeping busy having fun with the kids around the house, and happen to glance over at him and his face is cold as stone. My mood would instantly drop. I was trying to detach emotionally, but it is hard sometimes to not let his mood affect me.

I am surprised he said he would like things to work out for us. Hopefully he means that. 5 months after the big bomb drop and I am STILL in complete shock.. hopefully this gets better.

[DFE]

Think of it this way.....it can't get worse. This is the bottom and the only place to go now is up. I know it's tough with kids (twins ) but I realized last night that the only thing that has changed is that he doesn't live at home. I've been a single mom forever. Keep busy and enjoy the kiddos. It's only uphill from here even if we can't see the big picture right now.

[chasingpavements]

Thanks DFE, that helped to hear that! I know things can't get much worse.. and I figure that if he decides to leave then he is not the man of honor and integrity that I thought he was when I married him. In that case he isn't worthy of my love anyhow. He did mention that he wants things to work out with us, and I am wondering how much he means that, and how much effort he is willing to put in. I am dreading that he is going to say he is leaving for good.

It is extremely busy with twins and another little one! I just realized my only relief from watching the kids will be when my H comes home for a couple of hours. Perhaps I will get our babysitter over more often to give myself a break once in a while. I don't really have any family in our city.

Good luck on your day today, DFE. Thinking of you!

[chasingpavements]

First day of our physical separation. So it seems we are on a somewhat temporary trial separation, and will be talking again in a couple weeks. In the meantime, what am I to do? Accept some invites to be around him with the family, and remain busy?

I honestly can't see much happening between us in 2 weeks. My H did seems less stressed and less distant when he came home today. I think it is because the expectation is not there that we will be spending the evening together. There has been so much tension between us in the evenings, mostly due to his moodiness. I would be keeping busy, and giving him space, all the while he moped around the house, looking sad.

He wants to meet again in 2 weeks. What am I to expect will happen in 2 weeks? Should I ask him what the plan is for when the 2 weeks is up, ie/ are we re-evaluating?? I think his words were, that we could then "decide to see where this will go"??? I think being in limbo is bothering him as well. He does seem to want it to work out between us, and he said he really does not want to split our family apart. When he tells me these kind of things, how am I supposed to react to that? I do not want to seem to eager but want him to know that is what I would like as well.

He has mentioned a lot that he wants to be happy. Lately I can tell he is not happy. I don't think his unhappiness has to do entirely with me, I think he might have some other issues. I mentioned I thought he should do IC. How can things improve between us if he is not willing to do work on his end? I can change, and DB all I want, but I think there is also a problem on his end.

[chasingpavements]

Ok, so I asked him about the 2 week thing, because I didn't know what he meant. He said he just wanted to break free from the rut we were getting in , that there was just so much tension between us (I agree). He thought things were getting worse. So I asked him what happens in 2 weeks, because I told him I thought not much would probably change in that short of time. He said he hoped that he would start to feel better.

[PatientMan]

You shouldn't expect anything and you shouldn't react to anything. What he says and does doesn't affect you because you're detached. Poker face.

-PM

[DFE]

Being apart isn't so bad as long as you know he's coming back. So act as if he is one vacation. Give him time. I rushed to get him back home and look where we are now. He left again and leased a new place. I know it's hard but be patient and enjoy your time alone.

[chasingpavements]

Thanks PM Every once in a while I think I need to step back and remember that I need to detach as much as possible. I can remain calm in the eye of the storm. I am going to try as hard as I can to not let how he is acting and what he is saying affect me. It is especially hard when he is acting sad and distant and I am used to helping him, and being there for him. Should I still be offering help or leave him be?

Being apart isn't so bad. I am actually ENJOYING my free time! I don't have to worry about what he is doing or what he is going to say to me. (and don't have to walk on eggshells around him). I have been doing a lot of reading and going for walks, all without worrying about what is going on with H. And when he came to visit yesterday, he seemed SO much happier and was actually joking around with me. The whole situation seemed a lot better, and tension seemed to have been lifted.