Hi Nero ~ yes, this is so hard. But I still stick by my belief that my H loves me underneath it all. And we should ask ourselves - if we really thought there was NO chance that they still had feelings for us, no hope that we could reconcile, then what are we doing still standing?
I like your idea of tidying your life. Something I think everyone has room to do. And you know I love cleaning and organizing!
Hi rH ~ I remember that song. Again, one my H used to like when he was still himself.
It frustrates me beyond anything that he's so worried about missing out because he thinks he going to die soon, yet he is totally blind to the fact that he is really missing out on his children and family. And me. And my Honkey Tonk Badonkadonk. Threw that in there to make you smile
Today...
Could hear H up again last night. Came up to bed sometime in the wee hours of the morning.
Felt the need to get out and blow off some steam this afternoon, so I went walking while kids napped. Talked to my sister as I walked. Haven't talked to her in awhile, miss her much. To be honest, I avoid talking to her because I know she's going to ask about H, and I am trying to tell her as less as I can.
It was a good talk - we talked about family stuff, talked about things going on in her life. But inevitably, the subject of H came up.
She said our parents are not happy with him, were not happy about his beach trip. She said she thinks he is being a "big a$$hole" and that I deserve so much better. Said she just cares about me and loves me and wants to see me treated better. I said I understood all that.
She brought up "How could you ever trust him again?!?" And I said I didn't know that I could.
I explained to her that besides dating, my life has been going on like it would regardless. She said that I sounded happy, but she didn't understand how I could be happy when H is having a full- fledged R with another woman.
We talked about depression, and how it clouds thinking. I said it doesn't give him free reign to do what he wants and hurt us, but it does explain his reasoning.
It was a really good talk.
Then she says, "So I have some vacation time left and SOMEBODY has a sort of big birthday coming up, so I was thinking that we could do something special."
I love this girl
So sometime next month, she is going to fly in, and then she and I will drive to the beach for a few days. I am beyond excited!!!!
Onto H...
I feel like he's been more of the teenager persona today. When getting ready to leave for my parents, he changes his shirt to put on the one shirt I think she bought him. Whatever. Then he wears a new hat, which he felt the need to tell me was his new hat he got at the beach. More whatever.
He was fairly normal at my parents. Scratching away, and had a ton of indigestion.
Once we get home, it's a textfest. Also, he put on "The Dark Knight" movie, which I believe he saw with her last summer.
I feel like he's kinda mooning over her. Just a feeling I get. And I want no parts, so I'm upstairs (looking up deals for MY beach trip).
Times like these I think - if you want to be with her so bad, then just GO and be done with it.
But I think of something I told my sister, that I would keep going till the tank was empty. But right now, I still got some gas in the tank.
Hope everyone had a nice holiday
Bomb January 2012 - doesn't feel the same about me
~ "There is nothing love cannot face; there is no limit to its faith, hope, and endurance."
