1) don't feel bad about me - i'm not such a wounded animal anymore. if i were - i'd have gone no matter what i had to listen to (and for how long) eeeeeek - she's merciless . now at least - i'm making a decision that's a bit more rational than just ANYTHING WITH ANYONE.
tho, now that you say it- i'm inclined to be only a tiny bit like lassy laying in the mud when the snake bit him. cripes lassy- go get some stinkin help!!! MY H IS THE "lay in the mud alone" type when he's sick or wounded. all by himself- let me suffer and die alone - wah wah wah. grow a pair man - ASK and ye shall receive ...i'm not into martyrdom.
your H - oh geeez - how borish - if that doesn't sound like mine sometimes i don't know what. me me me me me me me me me
i swear to you- some day that guy will be beggin for a kind word or memory from you- if there's any justice in the world...
the memories - i know, it's hard isn't sharing your memories with nobody but yourself. i'm losing my holiday mentality of expecting excitement - now,if it's not "bad" i'm happy. good outlook - but sad i guess. we hate this "growing up" stuff.
i'm always sad when i think kids today know allll about divorce, infidelity, torn up families & lost memories, EVERYTHING. it's not fair- they're too young most of the time. . i'm glad i was happy (even if dopey) for 60 years before reality blew me up.
all this travelin talk has me thinking maybe i'll go in the cellar and find the pictures (couple hundred each) from Netherlands/belgium trip and last one to England. i was miffed coming home after trips with him and his stupid computer. ( i mean- stick a stinkin red wig on it and call it loverpie) why bother with a real person around???
anyway- that was long ago - maybe i can look at them without wanting to blubber - and fix the albums. just wham them in so can be looked at and enjoyed. beautiful countries & shots
think i will - it has me thinking of holland and the tulip, hyacinth fields- strips of fields hundreds of feet long, as far as the eye can see - - and maybe 10' wide or something of all yellow - then a strip of all red, purple, green, orange, pink, and smelling like heaven. and of course, a windmill sitting there being charming- it's really something unimaginable
it's soo lovely & . maybe i'll see - i'm feelin all brave.
i came home- h printed them and i put the whole mess in a bag in the cellar after trips (2008 - 2010) haven't looked since.
hope you have a good day and enjoy your memories with the holiday babies. don't be blue- i love the one about your son thinking the celebration was for him. i love children. they're soooo innocent & joyful. they can't take that away from us - the love & happy memories...
FIGHT THE "BITTER" thing MAN- THIS IS one thing i KNOW in life without a shadow of a doubt. better by far to stay soft & bleeding than even think of allowing self to go there.
MY MOm has embraced the "bitter" & angry m.o. (it's justifiable- but... it does nothing to make her feel better- quite the opposite - and she's "queered the deal" with all us kids- just the non-stop ranting & complaining and criticizing-
it's bad bad bad. think of something pretty - fond- kids - muffins, something- anything , and go to that place instead.
i'm not gonna be my mom if it kills me. nobody visits her because she's sending out that poison- (to her kids anyway. i just have inordinately large amounts of guilt for some reason & then, compassion, she's old & lonely. oiyyyyyy) -
nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
you'll learn - but it's a sad lesson - not expecting a reply- not expecting to be a human being to him- it will pass or it will rectify itself- who can know??? me - i do not.
we need to stay ourselves - even if it's soft- don't let your edges harden (much like favorite cheese - it stinks when it's hard on the edges. you don't want to end up a hardened lump of stinky cheese do you?????
xxoo love ya - have a great day- do something and be happy (or try) -
