I don't have any specific books on anger. Anger itself is just another emotion and not a bad thing. It's often the emotion that propels us to take action.
That being said, when it goes unchecked is when trouble begins.
In the early days/months of my separation, my anger was not pretty. Had he walked in front of my Expedition, I'd have probably hit the gas. For me my come to Jesus moment occurred when my then D8 told me that my anger scared her, and if she stayed scared could she go live with her dad? That forced me to change all alone.
I walked. I worked out. I prayed. I amped up the self care. I actually started score keeping my list of transgressions, and I found my own side of the street littered with my debris. So I elected to focus on the things that he found irritating and read spiritually soothing books. Then I set about the important work of forgiving myself. Just focusing on me was distracting and exhausting. It also served a good purpose. I started to wonder if I could even fall in love with him again.
Since you know the end to my story, I don't need to answer that.
However, I promised myself that I would never denigrate him to our girls. I constantly told them both that their dad loved them and the issue was between the two of us alone. My D19 knows, and always has, that it wasn't her fault. Some spouses ARE lousy parents. But mine was and is a great dad. I hope you get the same from your wife. All kids deserve to have their parents in their lives.
Anyway, it's probably going to be a multi-pronged approach that will require discipline.
One of my techniques I will share with you. Each time I started mentally winding myself up, I'd catch it and say , "Betsey, I thought you promised to drop this?" I had to consciously switch gears. Some folks here used to do the rubber band on their wrists. Whatever it takes. If it works, do more of it!
Take care,
Betsey
ps I eventually did hear the apology I had long sought, and by then it meant nothing to me. But it was HIS come to Jesus moment, and it meant everything to him. For that reason, he had me a captive audience. And he told me he wished he had a do over, because he would change everything. While it was nice to hear that, because I had forgiven him long before, the words weren't what I needed to hear. So don't think that is the end game, because it isn't. I still got divorced and am fine. I'm more than fine. I like the person I am because of all that hard work. It's worthwhile no matter what.
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
