Emotional Connection and Attraction

[BC39]

"Should I be asking her for more detail on her attraction issues or should I just leave it alone for now?"

Leave it alone. I would really get a marriage counselor to help you two better communicate with one another.

I agree we need a MC. To be honest I'm worried about her reaction to me bringing this up. She said she thought when our MC ended in Oct that the MC took us as far as she could (I obviously disagree). I'm worried her guard is going to go back up if I suggest it - I'm mind reading but I believe she fears having to talk again about her indiscretions.

Why women are not attracted to some men some times goes really really deep. Mostly, with our partners it is an emotional connection. If we are not emotionally connected in some way, then attraction is off the table.

I've always felt we are emotionally connected even to this day, but considering the circumstances I must be wrong. I believe as you said that this goes "really really deep". Another reason we should be seeing someone.

If this has been something you knew she didn't like, then stop telling telling her to start over and she just might like it. I have been the W who wasn't attracted to her H. And nothing made me madder than for him to act as if he had never heard a thing I said and try to by-pass it by telling me I might just like it! She may have said what she did b/c she feels as if you are not truly listening to her request.

I was never a fan of French kissing (usually b/c the guy kissing me didn't know how). I can get into it when I am feeling passionate. Maybe your W would be more receptive if you save those type kisses for when you are having passionate love making. But if you start out doing it, instead of building her up to the point of "wanting more", then you might as well shoot yourself in the foot.

To me, it sounds like she is trying to tell you what she does not like and what she prefers at the moment. If you persists in doing it anyway......then she won't bother being gentle in how she describes it.

Understood. Thanks so much for stopping by my thread, I've read all your past posts, your opinions in my sitch are invaluable to me

HopefulStill, thank you for your post. It ties in to how I've being feeling...

I'm the one that's initiating all of the affection the last 2-3 weeks.

It was 50/50 up until then, I'm not sure what changed.

There's been no sexual contact for 3-4 weeks. That is a long time for us, even since post BD a year ago.

I'm not sure if I should bring it up or not.

I've kept a PMA but it has been VERY hard.