Blindsided

[chl0901]

So Tuesday was a bad day - H didn't speak to me and turned me down that night when I tried to initiate intimacy. Wednesday morning started out not great, but by late afternoon H was texting me about a dr. appt he was at and asked me and S to meet him for dinner after work, which went well. We had a pleasant evening and night. I did not try again after being turned down the two precious night but was hoping H would initiate intimacy but he did not.

This morning while out at a holiday event with my S, who do I run into but possible OW! I was walking right by her and we made eye contact so I played dumb, smiled, and said hello. She pretty much had a surprised expression on her face and said hi back but then immediately turned away from me so I walked away. I did find it weird that she was not friendlier to me as we have known each other for years and she has always been talkative and friendly to me in the past. Of course that rubbed me the wrong way and I did feel bad after seeing her but I was proud of myself for the way I handled the situation. In a fantasy world, I would hope her seeing me with my S and being friendly would make her feel at least a little bit bad and back off a bit from the EA (possible PA but no proof of that) she is having with MY H. I'm trying really hard to let it all roll off my back and stay positive and work on my 180s which is difficult but I really am trying because I do not want to lose my husband. I want him to realize what he is thinking about giving up. I am still going strong with my exercise and eating right and am starting to see little results (nothing big yet) which is nice.

I am really torn about all of this because I have always been firm on leaving if my spouse were to have an A, but now that I am in the actual situation, it is really hard and confusing because I don't want to lose my H and want him to be attracted to me and happy with me again (for myself and our S), but at the same time it is also eating me up that he would do this and betray our relationship in the first place. Even though I am still on moderation and do not have much response or support yet, I do appreciate the couple of responses I have gotten and it helps to post and vent here to get my feelings out in the open somewhat.

I hope everyone has a happy holiday!