YOu sound good, Subguy!! No advice on the refi, though. Gotta do what is best for you!!
M: 9 yrs T: 13 yrs H:34 Me:35, S4, D2, S 7 months Dday 11/12-PA & multiple PAs Dbing 12/12 S 1/13 7/13 H moved back in basement. 8/13 #3 born 10/13 still cheating 10/13 He moves across country, I file for D
She can sign wherever but I would suggest just sucking it up and getting it done.
She won't get the check the day of settlement and it should only take about 45 minutes.
You could give the settlement attorney a heads up and ask him to come an hour early and you could knock out all of your stuff and then she could show up and do hers by herself.
Thanks for the input... The closing attorney is going to have her show up 1/2 hour before I get there. I know this sounds juvenile, however this is for me not a punishment for her. My emotional well being is my top priority in this matter. I will get the refi done and she will get her money. I will get to keep my sanity lol.
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YOu sound good, Subguy!! No advice on the refi, though. Gotta do what is best for you!!
Thanks T, your situation sounds positive, keep taking care of yourself.
You can not change your past, but you can ruin a perfectly good present by worrying about the future.
You do sound really good sub. Am happy for that and even happier that you are putting your well being first :-)
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
You do sound really good sub. Am happy for that and even happier that you are putting your well being first :-)
I am in a much better place emotionally... Thanks
However she still gets to me lol, the latest and someone correct me if I was wrong.
My wife was suppose to take care of her life insurance policy, by either changing the debit card to her new bank account or cancelling the policy. According the the insurance agent I can not change the policy as it is in her name. I left some money in our account for two months and saw no more activity on any auto drafts, so I closed the account. Sure enough two weeks later her insurance policy tried to debit the account and cost $72.00 in insufficient funds. I texting her the info on the refi date I let her know what happened.
text conversation:
Me: I'm trying to set up the refi, it looks like next week is going to be the closing. What days work best for you? Also you did not call (agent) about the life insurance and they tried to debit my account and I got hit with 72 in fees. So if you want the insurance policy you will need to call them.
W: later in the afternoon is best, any day is fine... and I have talked to (agent)
Me: Okay, he said you did not call him back to take care of the policy and I was charged 72 in fees. I'm not sure what happened. I'll setup a date and time for refi and will let you know.
W: ok thanks
Me: I don't feel like I should be responsible for the 72 in fees, what do you think.
W: I will send you the money... by the way I payed for D's basketball and doctor bill and didn't say a thing to you... I have no problem paying my part... I'm sorry if you think I trying to get over on you.
i did not respond to the last text, later I texted her the date/time and location of closing. I saw no reason to continue down this path, she knows I would like for her to pay me back the 72 now it's up to her if she will.
There is a huge difference in paying for a bill that she caused and co-paying bills for our D. By the way, I looked and she has not payed any doctor bills, I have payed $2500 for the deductible and basketball camp was $50.00.
Basic problem in our marriage was we always seemed to go down this path, i would try to state my desire and she would bring up stuff that had nothing to do with the issue at hand. I felt like she was diverting and trying to sidestep her part. Before I would have tried explaining my position and she would have kept muddying up the water (at least my perspective anyway).
Am I missing something here?? $72.00 is not much money and i understand I could or possibly should have not said anything but... I feel taken advantage of throughout this whole ordeal and I do not want to pay for something that was not my responsibility and I could not take care of.
Was I a jerk?!?!
You can not change your past, but you can ruin a perfectly good present by worrying about the future.
Not really, but if the convo went like that exactly I would have been on the defensive.
Maybe like this:
BTW, for some reason, the life insurance policy came out of the account today. Since I closed it they charged me 72.00 in fees! I called the company and the agent said he had no record of you calling and changing the account. Could you please call them again (see what I did here?) and ask them to change/cancel account?
Now, this will still put her on defensive. If she offers to pay, say "That would be wonderful, thank you"
If she doesn't, then consider it a gift, because you got to look at the way you are interacting with W and wondering if there are better ways to handle this
Not really, but if the convo went like that exactly I would have been on the defensive.
Maybe like this:
BTW, for some reason, the life insurance policy came out of the account today. Since I closed it they charged me 72.00 in fees! I called the company and the agent said he had no record of you calling and changing the account. Could you please call them again (see what I did here?) and ask them to change/cancel account?
Now, this will still put her on defensive. If she offers to pay, say "That would be wonderful, thank you"
If she doesn't, then consider it a gift, because you got to look at the way you are interacting with W and wondering if there are better ways to handle this
Which means you are doing the work..small price
Ya I figured I was a bit of a jerk in the way I communicated, thats why I asked... I so want to defend my self by saying it was all her fault, ugh but unfortunately I cannot. I still have resentment/anger issues to work through, it keeps leaking out in my communication style with her.
You can not change your past, but you can ruin a perfectly good present by worrying about the future.
It's that passive/aggressive stuff...it will getcha everytime!!
That is me as well, so don't beat yourself up. Sometimes I have to say "How would I talk/text/email H without being a byotch?" Because I really am not happy here....
That is the warning light not to talk/text/email at that particular point lol!!
I think it was Bug who made a reference to the fact that emotions are fleeting. You just have to wait them out
:)Ruby Kate fixed it for you but here's where you went off track
Also you did not call (agent) about the life insurance
You did or you did not is hardly ever a good way to start a sentence. If you hear that coming out of your mouth stop and think.
Time and Patience.
You are correct lol
I statements, I know this and at the time I could feel my anxiety rising when I mentioned the 72 dollars and she did not respond with what I wanted to hear. I should have been clearer earlier in the conversation as to what my needs/wants were. I have to keep my expectations of what I think others should do in check and let them know what I need/want. Fear of rejection kept me from stating my needs/wants earlier and when I felt rejected at my hints I got upset. Yep that's the world I live in lol
I really do appreciate the feedback Ruby and bug, I wanna be the best I can and it helps having friends call me out gracefully...
You can not change your past, but you can ruin a perfectly good present by worrying about the future.
