i'm just reading around & thru your posts- have to comment-
Quote:
You know, I have given my H many chances for an out. I have told him he is free to leave if he would be happier. That I did love him enough to let him go.
Yet almost a year and a half later, here he still is. I do ask myself, why?
yeah - WHY are they still here.
your prior comment/post about he's lied so long you can't believe anything soooo - (mee toooo)
the weight on your chest -
and a more recent comment - the one that got me going way back to read thru here- your believe that you should not just accept that he doesn't love you.
i feel like a dope most of the time thinkin it- much less sayin it out loud - but me too. idk why- something in the heart - something from years & years together?
it's not something i accept yet- THAT. NO matter how it manifests itself- it's love i think. even as i say this- i want to add some disclaimers & backpedal in case i'm wrong as can be. nevertheless- i say i feel like you do too.
what is it - doyathink that keeps us feeling like this? i used to think- and still do - that if my h could ever just have LET GO - AND DIVE IN- and felt free to embrace "love" and me and life and let it totally immerse him & swallow him up- he'd have been soo much happier and probbly happy now.
he can't share himself that much i guess. he can't stop being in control of "it all" or whatever you'd call that.
he just can't . well - can't seem to anyway.
can THAT ever change? idk - he sure was happy enough when we began and for over 20 years -
i know i sound like a broken record- but quitting smoking (taking away that tranquilizing drug - i think) changed his personality . he's mellowed alot lately- (disclosure of "sins?" ) - he's still here too- 2 yrs since i found out- EXACTLY almost-
my thoughts are with you in your journey- i'm proceeding on to the end of your posts- i feel a kindred spirit here
