Take it to the limit

[RosaLinda]

Poor TVS. Being an invisible support rock for an immature petulant MLCer is a thankless job. 

There's probably a whirlwind of confused thoughts swirling around in his poor addled brain. And he keeps making bad choices. On the one hand, Frumpy Twat did not turn out to be the sympathetic loving lotion-slathering partner she advertised herself to be -- too self-centered and too many problems herself to give HIM top priority. 

Then his homecoming was not handled spectacularly well. So caught up in this craziness that it didn't occur to him to let his family know he'd be 2 hours late. Missed dinner. Sons do not squeal with delight and smother him with kisses. Wife slightly stressed and anxious with broken compassion-o-meter. Forgets to buy wife gift. Itchy. Tired. Stomach pain. Missed sister's visit. Overwhelming guilt, not sure what to do or say to make it better. So...he leaves to watch TV. 

Typical MLC response. Understanding it might or might not make it any easier to live with. Partying probably does a better job. Would you mind a Libra joining you? It takes us 6 hours to decide which dress to wear but we're empathetic LOL!

[wishing, hoping]

Oohh!! I'm a Libra, too, LindaM. We are empathetic and fair minded. We believe in swift justice!!!

And I have more trouble deciding which shoes/jewelry combo to pick.

WH

[uRworthy]

Haha Snodderly, I am sure you are all the good parts of being a Leo and there are many.

[Takevowsserious]

Greetings all!

I think my new favorite description is Linda's "immature petulant MLCer" - it is truly a thankless job putting up with them! Though I would think that those that do make it to the other side are beyond grateful that someone stuck by them at their worst.

You are more than welcome to join in the party, Libra Linda (and WH and anyone else who wants to turn that frown upside down) The more the merrier!

~~~~~~~~~~

Had a very fun evening with the boys. Our community center had games, hayrides, face painting, inflatable slides and food booths. The boys had a blast! I think H almost seemed relieved that we were going. Told us to have a good time.

When we were there, we saw his xbf's wife and kids. We said hello, didn't really have a chance to talk. Also saw that female co- worker that was at yoga and her family. Said hi to them as well.

Sometimes, H can be very predictable. I knew darn well he would ask me if I saw anyone we knew. And he did.

Of course he wants to know if they ask about him - always! The xbf's wife did not ask about him. The female co- workers H did - he and my H have hung out a few times. I told H that he asked about him, and he said "What about (female co- worker)?" Um, no H. Believe it or not, you are really not the focus of everyone's day!

I think part of him definitely tries to avoid seeing people when we are out. He has made the comment numerous times, "I hope we don't see anyone that we know." It's weird.

He seemed a little more relaxed when we got home. Said his stomach is still really bothering him. Lots of texting. Leaving him to his drama...

Hey, and happy anniversary to me. It was a year ago today that I joined here. I honestly don't even know how I made it through those first six months after bomb with basically no support.

The friendships and support I have found here are such a blessing. I thank each and every one of you for being here with me on this journey.

Keep on keepin on my friends

[RosaLinda]

Happy anniversary TVS! I agree, this forum has kept me sane, and married. So far!

Sounds like a fun night with the boys! And how funny that your H wouldn't go, but wanted to know if anyone had asked about him. I can just see you trying not to roll your eyes

Have a wonderful holiday!

[nero]

hey hi tv:

i'm just reading around & thru your posts- have to comment-

You know, I have given my H many chances for an out. I have told him he is free to leave if he would be happier. That I did love him enough to let him go.

Yet almost a year and a half later, here he still is. I do ask myself, why?

yeah - WHY are they still here.

your prior comment/post about he's lied so long you can't believe anything soooo - (mee toooo)

the weight on your chest -

and a more recent comment - the one that got me going way back to read thru here- your believe that you should not just accept that he doesn't love you.

i feel like a dope most of the time thinkin it- much less sayin it out loud - but me too. idk why- something in the heart - something from years & years together?

it's not something i accept yet- THAT. NO matter how it manifests itself- it's love i think. even as i say this- i want to add some disclaimers & backpedal in case i'm wrong as can be. nevertheless- i say i feel like you do too.

what is it - doyathink that keeps us feeling like this?
i used to think- and still do - that if my h could ever just have LET GO - AND DIVE IN- and felt free to embrace "love" and me and life and let it totally immerse him & swallow him up- he'd have been soo much happier and probbly happy now.

he can't share himself that much i guess. he can't stop being in control of "it all" or whatever you'd call that.

he just can't . well - can't seem to anyway.

can THAT ever change? idk - he sure was happy enough when we began and for over 20 years -

i know i sound like a broken record- but quitting smoking (taking away that tranquilizing drug - i think) changed his personality . he's mellowed alot lately- (disclosure of "sins?" ) - he's still here too- 2 yrs since i found out- EXACTLY almost-

my thoughts are with you in your journey- i'm proceeding on to the end of your posts- i feel a kindred spirit here

xxo

[reachingHigher]

Hi dear Tvs,

Still keeping up with your H'e antics. So glad you went out with the boys and had a great time!

Everyone else is still sleeping here but I got up and went to the garden and as I was working in it, in the freshness of the morning, this song kept coming to my mind. I thought of your H and wish I could say this to him:

You're gonna miss this
You're gonna want this back
You're gonna wish these days hadn't gone by so fast
These Are Some Good Times
So take a good look around
You may not know it now
But you're gonna miss this

Not saying he is or isn't staying in the M. Just saying one day he will look back with regret that he missed so much time in your family while the boys are so little. These precious years can never be replaced.

I'm so glad you are there 100% for them!

Hope you have a wonderful Fourth!

[nero]

hi again-

just have to say- this "journey" we're on. it's so "same"ie for us all -isn't it.

you just had me crying about the hermit crab & then with the "love never ends". i feel it too-

i just don't know what h feels. my h- the trips - being nice on phone (when he's happily having wonderland with ow - so feelin generous & (what?) making sure i'm still there - while he's with her???? always coming back here to "visit me becaue he likes my company" - wtf????

back once i heard "happy" in his voice (a surprise revelation) - when he was talking about talking to his cousin on phone (another ow - ick ick ick) and felt sick to my stomach- with the knowledge i hadn't heard that in his voice in along long time with me. . he says she's gone-it's the old scretary now- oh God - howlong do we fiddle aorund with this stuff??????? anyway-

Gosh- it's all soooo - up and down. i hear everything you guys say and feel and find myself in same old boat - cutting his hair... i used to trim him too- he hasn't asked in awhile- i got ratty when he asked for advice hemming a pair of pants last trip -

i'm nice -i just said i'll do it - easier - then REALIZED wtf - but REALLY - had to say "so, you're askin me for help so , what? you have something to wear on a date with someone else?)" oops - it slipped out- bit of an "exchange- butnothing huge)"

idk- it's sooo long feeling isn't it. but then- YOUR LOVE NEVER ENDS - ETC. - in the background of my mind i feel same as you- and i wonder - and i have that little morsel of hope - dawn's "lighthouse" thing-

my h hugs me and kisses me when he leaves (not giant passion- but fond i guess) (every time) many many many times- i alwasy wonder what he could be thinking- why he'd even want to if he "wants less of me " in his life???

it's allllllll so crazy and the messages are soooooooo mixed - sooooooo all the time. he's unable to call me when he's seeing ow because if he calls from his cell phone he 'knows" i know. it's weird - i don't want to know him when he's with her.

idk if it's a good stand or a bad - but you know- i can't abide the thought and i can't hear his voice- i don't want to act okay when he's physically with her..

once (4th july weekend) before i ever knew he cheated- i was at shore in nj with my little neice- he called & was pleasant & chatty and i honestly thought ("oh God- he's passed some point and is pleasant & happy again") TO Myself and was happy & happy for him.

found out a year later he was with his stupid cousin ow in cal. - beginning of his affairs - hence the "happiness" -

it's been such an up and down of crappola _& finding out in retrospect things, what was going on - etc. always a surprise something new-

ya have to wonder how long we absorb it all - how long we can- AND THEN I HEAR ALL YOU GUYS OUT THERE TAKE VOW, REACHing,linda, bea, urunworthy, allllll of us , talking it over - DOING the same thing- feeling the same things- hoping the same things-

now i'm going to make myself cry. i haven't been able to really for about five or so years - since my sister died in 08 - alcohol. maybe it's a good thing - idk- it's just popping out of my head lately and surprising me-

i hopt it's curative God knows i've got turmoil inside all the time -

maybe it will calm me down- ya think???? THANKS ALL OF YOU ALL FOR SHARING YOUR STUFF- i have trouble reading it sometimes- makes me so sad (but soooo feeling part of a special group) -

that's all - i'm going to work on organizing my new life space & my "new life" etc.- it's okay and i'm on a roll. this messy girl is getting TIDY in life, mind, heart (i hope)

have awonderful day- and thanksagain everybody - it helps

xxo

[Takevowsserious]

Happy Fourth DBers!

Hi Nero ~ yes, this is so hard. But I still stick by my belief that my H loves me underneath it all. And we should ask ourselves - if we really thought there was NO chance that they still had feelings for us, no hope that we could reconcile, then what are we doing still standing?

I like your idea of tidying your life. Something I think everyone has room to do. And you know I love cleaning and organizing!

Hi rH ~ I remember that song. Again, one my H used to like when he was still himself.

It frustrates me beyond anything that he's so worried about missing out because he thinks he going to die soon, yet he is totally blind to the fact that he is really missing out on his children and family. And me. And my Honkey Tonk Badonkadonk. Threw that in there to make you smile

Today...

Could hear H up again last night. Came up to bed sometime in the wee hours of the morning.

Felt the need to get out and blow off some steam this afternoon, so I went walking while kids napped. Talked to my sister as I walked. Haven't talked to her in awhile, miss her much. To be honest, I avoid talking to her because I know she's going to ask about H, and I am trying to tell her as less as I can.

It was a good talk - we talked about family stuff, talked about things going on in her life. But inevitably, the subject of H came up.

She said our parents are not happy with him, were not happy about his beach trip. She said she thinks he is being a "big a$$hole" and that I deserve so much better. Said she just cares about me and loves me and wants to see me treated better. I said I understood all that.

She brought up "How could you ever trust him again?!?" And I said I didn't know that I could.

I explained to her that besides dating, my life has been going on like it would regardless. She said that I sounded happy, but she didn't understand how I could be happy when H is having a full- fledged R with another woman.

We talked about depression, and how it clouds thinking. I said it doesn't give him free reign to do what he wants and hurt us, but it does explain his reasoning.

It was a really good talk.

Then she says, "So I have some vacation time left and SOMEBODY has a sort of big birthday coming up, so I was thinking that we could do something special."

I love this girl

So sometime next month, she is going to fly in, and then she and I will drive to the beach for a few days. I am beyond excited!!!!

Onto H...

I feel like he's been more of the teenager persona today. When getting ready to leave for my parents, he changes his shirt to put on the one shirt I think she bought him. Whatever. Then he wears a new hat, which he felt the need to tell me was his new hat he got at the beach. More whatever.

He was fairly normal at my parents. Scratching away, and had a ton of indigestion.

Once we get home, it's a textfest. Also, he put on "The Dark Knight" movie, which I believe he saw with her last summer.

I feel like he's kinda mooning over her. Just a feeling I get. And I want no parts, so I'm upstairs (looking up deals for MY beach trip).

Times like these I think - if you want to be with her so bad, then just GO and be done with it.

But I think of something I told my sister, that I would keep going till the tank was empty. But right now, I still got some gas in the tank.

Hope everyone had a nice holiday

[RosaLinda]

Oh I'm so happy that you will have your OWN beach trip TVS! That will do you a world of good.

My H also keeps saying stuff like he's too old, going to die soon, would not care if he dies soon. Is this a MLC thing?