Well BRNR, I am still a newbie too (sort of), but at least 4X I have tried to have a R talk with my H, only to hear things like "i know you do" and "maybe, we'll see"... I have been given "lipservice" as stated in my description. It hurts like heLL to be so rejected. So, better off keeping my feelings to myself. They are not appreciated or wanted at this time.
EACH and EVERY time I felt that all he needed to hear was MY feelings... I WAS WRONG !! and ended up with my tail between my legs and many more tears of how I screwed up with my progress. Its called a backslide. And you will get MANY 2 X 4's on here by the vets !!
Keep up your progress. DONT BACKSLIDE !!
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
oh... for the record. It also pushes them further away!
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
What a morning! S9 decided to give himself a crew cut with scissors. W texted me to hurry down stairs because "YOUR SON", has a problem. I of course texted back, "uh oh, is he acting like his mother? I thought the meds would prevent that!" She laughed. Anyway, most of you have seen the self inflicted hair cut. We all had a good family laugh about it. I borrowed a friends clippers and gave him what he was after. Told him next time he would have to wear it the way he had it.
Later, w says God has caused her to do what she's doing to me to prepare me for the boys teenage years. I'm going to have to learn I can't control anything. My response was, loose control of you (w) first, then the boys, then my bowels. This should be fun!
M - 42 W- 37 S's - 9,6 M-12 T-14 FIL- diagnosed with fatal disease spring 2011 ILYBNILWY - march '12 FIL - died jan '13 W Moved out week later
What a morning! Later, w says God has caused her to do what she's doing to me to prepare me for the boys teenage years. I'm going to have to learn I can't control anything. My response was, loose control of you (w) first, then the boys, then my bowels. This should be fun!
This is guilt on her part. You don't want any pressure from you making her feel this way, as it won't help her want to re-commit. Maybe next time SHE brings it up, (you don't) let her know that you understand she's not doing anything to hurt you or the kids, but instead doing what she feels she needs to do for herself right now.
Then let your PMA take over. If W sees you're ok, that will help her get through her junk. Plus, it's exactly what your kids need to see. You're doing the best you possibly can for your family right now Mtn. Know this and be proud!
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
I agree with FY, but I will say that what she is doing is not God's will. Perhaps the attitude will help, but the rest of it? Never saw that in the bible.
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
Thanks FY and AJM! I thought it was her guilt too.
I told her in the beginning that God doesn't condone infidelity or divorce. She knows my stance on that. Granted, at the time i thought she was going to hurt me, but that was before i knew what to do. She is also in a spiritual crises. I recognize that.
M - 42 W- 37 S's - 9,6 M-12 T-14 FIL- diagnosed with fatal disease spring 2011 ILYBNILWY - march '12 FIL - died jan '13 W Moved out week later
Funny how the two go hand in hand, yeah? It's not lost on me that my ex of 20yrs abandonded her friends, her kids (she swears now she didn't), her God (she was angry at Him before deciding it was my fault), and decided her beliefs needed to be re-done.
I suspect spiritual crisis is a normal part of life. We all need to question and ensure we know our beliefs and why we believe them. It's important regardless of your religion if you ask me.
Yours sounds more like she is looking for the silver lining. Kind of a grim acceptance of what she's so far done, felt, and thought. That's part of it too.
One thing is for sure - we are all human and susceptible to hurting others. "There but for the Grace of God go I...."
She's trying to make sense of things it sounds like. Trying to reason to understand herself. I suspect that's a good thing, although anybody's guess what she'll decide and stick with.
Peace, AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
I had more guilt actions yesterday. So W was gone 4 days last weekend and Wednesday her friend comes in from out of town. Basically, she isn't around because of that. I text her last night to tell her boys are ready for bed if she wants to run over to say goodnight. She does. Fixed up like pure trash. Boys goof on her so bad. She says her and friend are playing dress up and taking pics. We're 12 years old I guess. She asked what I thought of her look. I laugh and tell her she looks like a $2 "friends name"! Couldn't say whore in front of boys. She laughed. So, I'm putting lotion on oldest S face and she comes up behind me, hugs me really tight, lays her head on my back, and thanks me for giving her a few days off. Reaches around and..... On the way out hugs me and gives me a kiss on the lips. I know some alcohol was involved, but doesn't account for all of that. I'm thinking guilt.
Absolute torture!!!!
M - 42 W- 37 S's - 9,6 M-12 T-14 FIL- diagnosed with fatal disease spring 2011 ILYBNILWY - march '12 FIL - died jan '13 W Moved out week later
That does sound hard Mtn, but she needs to get this out of her system. For the record I think you're doing well.
There likely is some guilt there, but I suspect deep down she really doesn't want to lose you, and is glad that you are still there for her. I think it is a good sign. If she really lost all feelings for you, or was hooked up hot with a new flame, there's no way she'd hug and kiss you like that.
I'd pay $2, no, $200 to have W dress up like a whore and kiss me. Naughty but true.
You're doing great Mtn, continue to be strong and positive, especially around W.
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
