Thank you for all of the replies. I hadn't thought about some of the statements as gaslighting, but they are. I'm so glad that you pointed that out.
The young adult mode is so difficult to deal with. My boys are more mature than H is. It's amazing (though I don't know why I continue to be amazed) that H continues to make this all about him. He doesn't have the maturity or capacity to really care or empathize with another person. Each time the boys have tried to express themselves, child to parent, H starts his rant about me and how he needed to leave.... The boys know it's all ridiculous. They saw how loving and kind I was to H and how he treated me in return. Of course they don't know all of the deeper marital issues, but on the surface H's spew about me is groundless.
There have been no new developments on the legal front. I'm still hoping to get this settled and avoid the hearing on Monday. Based on what my new attorney has said our marital status is likely to be ordered terminated. H will feel like he's won the jackpot and I don't really need to see him gloat. It wouldn't surprise me if his gf is there. I'm sure she has a vested interest in the outcome. It will be another bad memory for me.
I don't know how I feel about being D'd. It's ugly and not what I wanted for me or the boys. I believe it could have been avoided with commitment, patience and hard work. I have fear about the future. I'm afraid to feel the moments of sadness that are inevitable. I guess I still don't understand what H will have gained, but it's not for me to evaluate. It's all just sad and senseless.
BRNR, I would love to communicate privately. I have done that with a few on this board and it's been immensely helpful and enriching. The PM feature is disabled, but we can find another way to exchange contact information.
