Wife said she was done! House sold, Moving forward

[Maritimer]

One heck of a diet! 65 lbs so far for me.

I just say stress, I too am embarrassed to say because my W left me. Something I need to work on with my self worth still.

Wow congrats on that! It really helps the self esteem.

Im not sure on how to handle this move. I need to be out the weekend before due to me being out of town for work so I cant help her.

Its really bothering me that she shows no emotion or concern about this change. I am scared of being alone. I feel like im losing my best friend and she is happy in doing so. It hard to feel upbeat when you think about all the things you will be losing.

I might not be able to take my dog because most apartments dont allow it. I still have 3 weeks to find a place so hopefully something will pop up.

I have not talked about our relationship in months, it like we coexist like brother and sister... it feels weird.

[Maritimer]

I moved into my own apartment on the weekend. Wife & kids went north for the weekend so I took advantage of them not being there to move. It would have been too hard for me to see my kids watching daddy move out.

I never heard from them since Saturday. I want to keep my distance but would like to be informed how the kids are doing. I never told her I was moving out but she must know by now. Is she happy or mad?? donno. I really dislike the no contact but it is what recommended for DB'ing.

I am really missing my children. I broke down moving, not seeing my boys running in my room every morning, bike rides, bath time, so many good thing I will miss. I have to remember this was not my choice but I have to accept it and become the best part time father I can be.

I have been very accommodating to them throughout this whole ordeal, As i should be. Its a bit disappointing that she is still not very nice & distant. Hopefully time will make this better. I came a long way since the bomb date and have to thank this forum for helping me through the most challenging time in my life.

Thanks everyone!

[Tallula]

I am so sorry. I couldn't even imagine having to move out and be the one seeing so much less of my kids. You aren't a "part time" dad. Ahh, our kids are around the same age.

HUGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Maritimer]

Its been a while so I wanted to keep you folks up to date on my situation.

Tallula, you are correct I am a fully engaged father who dont live with his children. They are always in my thoughts and influence my actions.

I see my boys about 4 times a week for a few hours in the evening. I had a fear that they would forget about me but they are so happy when I show up and cry when I leave.

I have been giving her space by not calling or texting. I do see her 4 times a week by default due to the children so the LRT is a bit challenging. I do request that she keep me up to date with the children but I rarely hear from her. Except for when she needs money or diapers.

Its lonely at my apt with just me and my dog. I miss the laughter and chaos of the boys. Im working on GAL, but I am keeping busy with exercising with the dog and commuting 4 hours a week to see my kids. Still a roller coaster of emotions, not sure if that will ever change.

She is still cold and emotionless when I see her. I am always pleasant and helpful when present. I have given her what she asked for but I can see she is still not happy.

On Fathers day I picked up the boys and drove to the windmills to have a picnic and had a really fun day. I was disappointed that she never acknowledged me for father day, received a card or a gift from the boys. Just a text "what time are you picking up the boys" It hurt. Expectations I have to let go of I guess.

Wondering if I should reach out to her or just give it more time..

[AnotherStander]

Its really bothering me that she shows no emotion or concern about this change.

WAS's don't SHOW emotions, but that doesn't mean they don't feel them. My W admitted months after moving out that she had been crying almost every day. She NEVER showed me anything but a happy facade though, so I was stunned to hear that. Your W is going through a lot, I guarantee you.

I feel like im losing my best friend and she is happy in doing so.

First, you don't know if she's happy or not, but probably not. Second, you have got to let her go. You're not losing your BF, you already lost her. You lost her at BD. The sooner you accept this then the quicker you will heal.

I have not talked about our relationship in months, it like we coexist like brother and sister... it feels weird.

That's actually good, that's where you want things to be for now. Take all pressure off of her.

I have been giving her space by not calling or texting. I do see her 4 times a week by default due to the children so the LRT is a bit challenging.

You can't really go dark when kids are involved, it's more going "dim" than dark. Just keep things brief and business-like. I think it's Mach that says "just bills and boys".

Its lonely at my apt with just me and my dog. I miss the laughter and chaos of the boys.

I hear you, I remember those days after W moved out, the first week she had the kids I felt horribly lonely. But over time I've come to appreciate that time alone, it gives me personal time to do things I haven't had time for in many years. And it makes me appreciate my time with the kids that much more. Instead of looking at it as a curse, try to see it as a blessing

Still a roller coaster of emotions, not sure if that will ever change.

It absolutely gets better! For me the healing came much faster once W moved out. The first month was rough, but healing came pretty fast after that. Just keep yourself busy!

Wondering if I should reach out to her or just give it more time..

More time. You'll know when she's ready for you to reach out, because SHE will come to YOU. Remember the squirrel analogy.

[Maritimer]

Your replys AS are so comforting! Thanks for sticking with me!

I believe I backslid last night, While changing my youngest diaper I walked by the mother of my childrens room and in a transparent garbage I noticed our wedding and photo albums.

I asked if she was throwing them out and she told me yes and that i should not be snooping in her house! arrgh. It was right there. I replied that it would be good for the children if they were kept so they can look at some of the good times mommy & daddy had before and during there early years.

From an outside view am i wrong in thinking that?

She has such a negative attitude every time im there. I feel she is trying to make it so uncomfortable that I will stop seeing the children. Im worried that the children can sense that mommy dont respect daddy so they might think less of me.

Its challenging to co parent this way. Should i request her to show a bit more respect when present?

I am giving her plenty of space, no text, no calls,no relationship talk. I had hope but expectations are now nil. Its been 7 months now and feel as hope is all gone.

If it hurt to see the photo albums in the trash I guess i am not fully detached..

[Verum]

Its challenging to co parent this way. Should i request her to show a bit more respect when present?

I've thought about what I would do if we were separated. I think both parents have the good interest of the children, and also both parents should recognize that disparaging or critizing the other parent is not useful. This is one area where you should (must) set boundaries.

For example, with young kids they cannot buy gifts, so for Mother's Day, it is the father's job to buy a gift for the kids to give to their mom. Likewise, the pictures should be saved. You should have taken them and said that it's better to stay in a box in the closet where the children can see it later if they want.

Good luck.

[MrBond]

You should have taken the photos. That was disrespectful of your W to do that. If your W is still in that "snapping" mood with you, then you need to command respect from her.

[PatientMan]

I was just going to say what Mr. Bond and SA said. Why don't you tell her you'd like to have them and in the future you'd appreciate her not disposing of items that are both of yours without checking with you first. It was YOUR wedding and marriage too!

-PM

[Maritimer]

I was too late to get the albums, the trash man took them away before i got there. When i asked that you knew I wanted them? all she said was "they were only pictures".

I spoke up and said I deserved to be treated with more respect that what im getting. I have been more than accommodating throughout this whole ordeal. Giving you space, drive 4 hours a week to see the boys, gave her what she asks for, money for the boys. She rolled her eyes, puffed and walked in the other direction. I never pro-sued as it would have not helped anyone at that time.

Im starting to feel uncomfortable when i am there. This woman I knew for 11 years is not the same person. So cold, negative and unhappy. I dont think a piece of paper saying were divorced will change that.

Its terrible that i feel uncomfortable to see my boys. I love hanging with them but dont feel welcome in her environment. This will have to change for us to be successful co parents.

Wonder if she is trying to poke the bear and get a reaction from me. If so I am not stooping to her level. I am working hard to become a better me and not let this negativity affect me.

When will it become easier! Weird that if she asked me to come back to her I probably would....