I am a committed & loyal guy. BUT - love disappears? to me the commitment &loyalty are part of the love.
i don't feel this to anyone else. i love my neices & feel something for my mom- but it's not the same as what i had for h.
i'm not sure about committment filling in the blank and being the only thng going on.
i reckon if it gives me a stomach ache thinking i'll never have him in my life again- it's love-ish. (well - at moment - you know - it's in abeyance. i cannot allow it really- and like you- i look at him and don't feel like i even know this man.
i wonder how it will all end up- but no way to know til we get there-. i don't think either of our ride is done here- you're sounding v good in the place you are in tho- it's okay i think. you're following your gut. it's hard for me to know if h can sense my detachment (when it's there) because he's not here to see it- feel it.
he's detached too- perfectly pleasant when he calls- but it's sure not sharing a life. it's soooo wierd.
oh well - i cannot imagine what else to do but continue being who i am- and doing what i'm doing.
i had a brilliant insight about you and me and our lighthouse thing- but i've lost it at the moment. maybe it will come back later.
i'm goig to tackle te big mountains & conquer them.
THEN - i'll try and finish up a bit in work room-
maybe all the things that ae wonderful fabric (i'm somewhat of a textile junkie - ok - i'm a huge addict) i'll just cut rite up into big squares - just concoct quilt tops from all beautiful colors & patterns will-ye-nil-ye and go for it.
onward & upwrd. i cooked lamb once and made wonderful gravy- but honestly i lamb kinda grosses me out. h likes it- he's arab & german(oiy) , me- i'll take a burger & fries.
xxoo thanks for note- where would i be if i never met ya???
