You had a great first step. You knew she wanted to pick a fight. Just because she wants to pick a fight doesn't mean you want to have a fight, right? You are more detached than before. She's happy, you're happy. She's upset, you're happy. Be you. Don't let her push your buttons and transform you into someone else. It seems like you did this for the most part, but I think realizing it in the forefront of your mind will make you less reactive and angry.
Also, what did you used to do before when your W wanted a fight? What did you do that made it worse (that you can avoid)? Or, even better, what have you done in these types of situations that worked well for your R? Remember, you are the R jiu-jitsu master. Don't just take the punches. Dodge and weave. Try something different if need be.
