kml - when we started dating, he told me upfront that he was unsure about the whole marriage 'thing'. we started dating, fell in love and here we are 2 1/2 years later.
He has opened up to the idea, but isn't sold on it. The topic keeps coming up for conversation privately and while out with friends. Obviously winning an engagement ring brings it all to the forefront.
He hasn't told his mom that i won this ring because he, and his friends, all know she will sort of freak out.
I saw a text conversation he had with a friend who asked him about it and he sort of reiterated that he isn't sure. He and his friend were saying how they don't see the point of marriage if there is a committment, unless kids are involved.
So it's been on my mind, maybe that's why I thought of this board (?). How long do I stay, wait and see if he changes his mind. How do I walk away? Is marriage THAT important to me?
Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.
That is what you need to decide for yourself. Can you go on with anyone for any real length of time without being married? If it is something you want, why should you continue in a relationship where marriage isn't in the picture?
Everyone comes into our lives to teach us something. Perhaps this relationship is here for you to decide how important it really is for you to be married.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
This will sound so silly but while reading your last post two movies came to mind:
Remember in When Harry Met Sally... after Sally and her long time live-in BF broke up and then he got engaged to someone else and she realized he wasn't against marriage, he just didn't want to be married to her...
or
Remember in He's Not that Into You... at the end when Jennifer Anniston's character decides she would rather be with Ben Afleck's character married or not because he truly showed her he loved her.
Which kind of guy are we talking about here?
sorry to be blunt, but here goes? Is he "unsure of the whole marriage thing" or unsure that you are the right person for him to marry? (Look for your answer to this in who he is, not what he says)
Me 54 DS19 and DS17 Married 06/1989 Divorced 01/2011
He doesn't see the difference between living together and being married.
I want that commitment in front of friends, family and most importantly God. I want that binding of our hearts, souls and lives. I don't want it to ONLY be because of a child - a subject that we are both still uncertain about.
Not to mention all of the legal and financial aspects to it.
Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.
He talks about forever. He talks about things being 'ours' and whatnot.
He is more open to the idea of marriage with me, in his past he has been completely closed off to the very concept. He never even really talked about it before.
Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.
just playing devils advocate here... and voicing some questions that come to mind.
if he doesn't see a difference in being married and living together, but it does make a difference to you, the woman he loves.. then why not get married?
Me 54 DS19 and DS17 Married 06/1989 Divorced 01/2011
I thought about selling it, I don't know. It is beautiful....
It's a big messy situation I guess.
We have talked about it so much. I prayed for some sort of sign....and then I won this ring.
I had a friend ask why I even started dating him if I knew his stance - well, because you cannot predict on day 1 if there will even be a day 815 or 1256 or 18520. We both know if it is something I want or need and he isn't ready, that we will end it on good terms.
It's just trying to determine a 'deadline' I guess.
Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.
Oh - and his mom.....WHOLE other issue - she is sort of obsessive over her son because she was a single parent and she never even dated or anything. Even now with him as an adult, she is in a nursing home, she worries and wants to know everything ie if he is sick. she is one of the BIG reasons he has/had the thoughts about marriage that he did because she put those in his mind because she had a bad marriage.
she says she wants him to find someone, but she doesn't really. she wants him all for herself.
our priest made a few interesting comments on the situation - 1 was asking if he couldn't marry because he'd have to put his wife #1 instead of his mother and 2 he told my bf that not making a decision was making a decision......
Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.
