When I close on the refinance my wife will need to be there because we are not officially divorced and she will have to sign some papers as well. I do not want to see her smiling and acting happy because she is getting a large check. is it wrong of me to request that she be in a separate room or should I just suck it up, smile, sign the paperwork and leave??

I really don't want to be a jerk but I am in protection mode. My heart still hurts and I need separation...

You can not change your past, but you can ruin a perfectly good present by worrying about the future.