This is so hard. I think I was just in shock and numb the first 2 months. I barely cried. But my son's last day of school June 6, I started crying and have cried pretty much every day. It's only 8am and I'm already in tears. I just think in terms of the 9 month lease he signed and the 6-12 months we agreed to work on this...and it seems like an eternity. Will I really hurt this much for the next year? Does anyone really figure out their midlife crisis in a year?
You are going through the normal grieving process, just know that the crying and the emotions you're going through are perfectly normal and part of the healing process. Don't cry in front of H, but behind closed doors just let it all fly. The length of grieving is different for each person, but rarely does the really painful part of it last a year. It'll get better day-by-day, and when the real healing kicks in you will find a new peace that you've maybe never experienced before- peace with your sitch and with yourself.
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And yes. This is the hardest part. He has moved out of the house and filed for a divorce...yet is suddenly scared to death I'M going to move on. What the??
This is actually not that unusual. Your H wants you to wait indefinitely while he goes on to do whatever he wants. You are plan B. He wants to explore his MLC and probably sow his wild oats all while you patiently sit at home pining over him. But when you get out, GAL, show him that you are going to live your life whether he's part of it or not then it can shock the MLCer into realizing that their LBS may just move on without them, and yes, that scares them. That doesn't mean he wants to reconcile (at least, right now), it just means you're spoiling his plans and he doesn't like it. Just keep up your DB'ing, like I told you before this is a marathon, not a sprint.
