like the slogan- writing it down here on a little chalk bd i have - just look when i walk by- trying to keep myself perked up & philosophical. one just has to keep getting up- it's true.
sorry no reply to your note.. i bet the no reply has nothing to do with you really- you probably didn't ask a specific question- requi4ring a specific answer. so it didn't occur to him you were fishing for contact. it's something my ultra-brainy- bit emotionally infant h would do.
my h didn't call yesterday- i always feel a bit let down & think i do not exist in his world and i do not matter at all.
he says he cannot relate to that at all - how he feels as a result of anyone elses actions (he's nuts) it never crosses his mind at all - who cares about him . (i think it's a lie or he would not stack up ow -) but, maybe it's true. maybe he's sooo detached & self involved (i'm not sure he's hurting) tho i'm sure he did as a child. maybe men have some shutoff valve in their head/heart that enables them to plug thru life, fight wars & dinosaurs and not worry about anything but the moment. my h also said that- his brain does not go further than the next 15 minutes? wtf? nice life huh?
could that really be for such a smart guy? one wonders and we'll never know what's in those heads huh?
you know- i thought of two separate funny travel things i was telling someone yesterday- and wanted to call or write and say - hey, remember how funny that was? i didn't tho- i always feel like he views it as me "trying to reel him into fond old memories" - i hate that it's making me fearful.
it's hard not to just be self.
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MLC or no, he clearly does not want contact with me.
I can't seem to get the message either- that darn hot stove!!!
you'd think i would by now - but then, here we are huh? doing this- wtf is that if not hanging around the stove????
some how- i'm going to have a decent week and not obsess about being alone. I just don't seem to be able to really "kick this habit" here- it's discouraging. i cannot imagine how hard it must be to lose 200 lb or kick alcohol or any addiction.
oh well- me still working toward kicking my particular addiction (h?L?r? - whatever)
have a good day i hope. hang on - you sound great really - we all do have our triggers - maybe forever - we all find out "in the end" i guess. your h is probbly just being his old insane "mlc self" -
