One month down, zero casualties

[Raine]

More catchup...

TVS: The mixing of normal (even better than normal) with him still holding onto OW is really difficult. That's when I start having doubts, until I think back to previous events. I hope that he is feeling the difference between being in the home vs on his own. Being here has seemed to have a major positive impact on the way he is feeling. But, that is hard to say. I didn't really see him the 7 months prior and when I did, he could have been completely different with me vs not me. I guess there is no denying those times when he was so depressed he never left his room for days. That is another reason I don't see him leaving. He has experienced life on his own, and I don't think it was all too great for him.

If we took OW out of the equation, I think there would just be another OW or also with my H, single guy friends who are immature for them to text. I think there is a need for constant contact from somewhere, something that makes them feel needed and important.

The toe comment was interesting to me too, because I got them done before the concert, and this is him just commenting on them, several days later. Also it was when we were sitting at a table...like he looked down and under the table? I dunno. Funny.

mizjjd, I get the need for distance too. That's why this is really hard right now...this balancing act of being there for him as his safe person, yet protecting myself and my boundaries. The numerous other women is a hard to get out of my mind too. I feel for you. Hang in there!


T^2: OW5, the EA doesn't seem to be too much different than the rest of the eager beavers. They all are saying "how high" when he says jump. But another thing that sets her apart besides my disdain is she is a total slut. I wouldn't be surprised if that is a factor. I hope that remains. I'm pretty grossed out at the thought of this one. That would be a pretty heavy straw.

I've wondered if he is doing these connection things to keep me roped in. It all just feels like a test. The losing what he can't commit to is right on target with my impressions of him, and not just with me. He has to keep all of them on a bit of a leash, just in case. Just in case at some point that's what he really wants and he hasn't burned that bridge. Thanks T for all your great insights. And yes, my toes are amazing. They made it through the MLC darkness and fog, they are that brilliant!

uRw: Those guidelines haven't helped me much, other than I can relate what he is doing at the moment to one of them, which helps my rational with this being MLC. But he is all over the map and always has been. I kept wanting to know, what is this and does any of this have any significance, because he is marching to his own mlc drum, yet it all relates to someone. Your post helped me a lot, in that I can see now I'm not imagining things. It is possible for him to move closer to me, yet still keep a hold of his safety blankets. I'm glad that I have had pretty strict, non-verbalized boundaries. It's all or nothing with me.

So quick update: H had his game night tonight, but left quite early. Usually I think he would only do this to go and see someone...but no, he came home early. He said he came home because he was hoping he could play a game with me. I was taking care of the baby though, and so the older boys went to hang out with him. So yes, this is hard. It's hard because he is reaching out, but his is not dropping any of the other ropes. I don't like the feeling that I'm just one of several ropes he is holding. I'm getting it. I am getting why this is the hardest part. Yuck!