7 months pregnant ... Facing separation

[slow_it_down]

Lost_Hope,
When I was pregnant the first time around my son's father was deployed overseas in the military for most of my pregnancy. He was still deployed when our son was born and I was on my own for the first 3 months. I didn't have a husband running to the store to buy me ice cream when I had cravings or holding my hand at delivery... and I couldn't even worry if his dad would bond with him after birth because he was a million miles away. Life's difficult circumstances at that time didn't 'ruin' anything - they just changed the scenery a bit

So let me be the first to tell you that whether or not you figure things out with your H there is no reason you can't make the rest of your pregnancy and your delivery day wonderful. Sure it would be nice to have him there and super supportive the day of of the delivery, but honestly you're stronger than you think and you will be fine. I'm not saying you should leave him, but you don't 'need' him to make it a wonderful experience for you. How the rest of your pregnancy and your delivery goes is up to you really. You get to choose your own attitude and outlook on life every day when you get up.

Also, it seems like you are looking everywhere but inside for happiness right now. You want your H to make you happy. You want an EA to fill you up when you are feeling empty. You want this board to respond faster to make things better in your M faster. This might be tough to hear - but what are you doing to work on yourself? If you continue relying 100% on your H to make you happy he is going to fall short every time.

So, what can you do?

Being pregnant as well I find it helps to focus on things that need to be taken care of rather than just letting that general sense of powerlessness creep in.

Do you need a ride to the hospital for your C Section? Schedule a car service or start chatting up your neighbors so you have a few numbers to call if your H isn't around.

Do you want someone to listen to you talk about your latest annoying pregnancy symptoms (heartburn and leg cramps anyone??). Start chatting up the other couples in your birthing classes. Or join a moms meetup group to start getting out.

Do you want someone to hold your hand in the delivery room? Ask a friend. If you don't have any local friends its time to start reaching out to people around you (like neighbors, co workers or people you run into around town) to start building up your own support network. You can blame H till the cows come home for moving you to a foreign country, but until you start doing something to build your own network of friends for yourself you will continue to feel like a victim of your situation rather than the one calling the shots in your own life.

Once you've gone down the list of things you need (a ride, support, etc) suddenly you realize that you may be pregnant and 'want' him to do things but you don't 'need' him to do anything. This frees you up to focus on you and to give him space to meet you where he's able to in the future rather than running him off now when he just can't give you what you want.

Lastly, in your most recent post you recount how every technique in DB doesn't make sense, takes too much work and takes too long. If it were easy or intuitive this board wouldn't be full of people hurting, hoping and working hard to be in a better place in their relationship.

As hard as it is to see right now your H is hurting too. I can't say whether or not you should stand for him and for how long and in what circumstances. That is completely for you to decide. All I'm saying is that your focus has been on all the things you can't control and not on the things you can.