own a buz - pt 12 ... taking him off the pedestal

[~ kd ~]

If "this portion" of the business was began under the umbrella of the corporation and you were not formalized as a partner, it does not matter. It is still under the corp and the laws will speak specifically to that.

And no, you can't count on him to be "nice". That's why you need to find out where you stand legally, and then, if he makes a generous offer, get him to sign on the dotted line ASAP before his guilt wears off.

[~ kd ~]

Under the guidance, but not necessarily the formal involvement of, a L, it is likely in your best interest to leverage a formal business agreement, in what ever form, between your H and you, prior to making any claims against the business.

[makingmagic]

KD.. that is what I was trying to do... before seeing a L... before making any claims.

I was trying to leverage a formal business agreement first.

[~ kd ~]

How would you get him to sign on the dotted line, if you don't have a document with a dotted line? He can verbally agree to something and by the time either of you get a doc drawn up, he could renounce.

Be ready with a L so that you can get the doc drawn up at a moments notice.

[makingmagic]

ok sure...

and what do u all think of his bullying comment? I was trying to be assertive in the business, standing up stating that we do not need MORE inventory. He didn't like my reasoning based on his desire to downsize our massive inventory and threw that he will "maybe" go out on his own so he doesn't have to share profits. I said "maybe you should" It was his tantrum, as he has never had to push this far before. I usually cave. I eventually caved, but not to the number he wanted me to bid. One that I was "ok" with.

ADVICE HERE PLEASE!!

[MrBond]

You're going to argue against this again, but here goes. It wasn't necessarily a "bullying" comment. That's how you're choosing to perceive it as.

" I reminded him that our goal was to downsize and that we did not "need" this one."

From what I recall this was YOUR perception. He wanted to grow but you didn't want to. So it's not "OUR" goal. You made that decision.

"He got a bit snippy and stated "well maybe we need to divide this so I can make money and my expertise and time...blah blah". I said "yah, maybe". I ended up stating that I placed the bid for him, at a lower rate than he was campaining me for. I didn't want to bid in the first place."

You're both just reacting to one another which just escalates things.

"I got off the phone because I needed to make another call. Called him back to state I upped our bid another $50. He wasn't receptive, said he had to go."

Because things were going downhill. It's not bullying. The two of you just don't know how to communicate.

Let's face it, you're going to perceive things the way you want to no matter what anyone else tells you. It's exhausting. Even on here you debate against people, yet you ask for constant help.

"FINE EVERYONE ~~~ I will see a L first"

Look at your response to those on here. You make it sound like you were bullied again. You have a choice to follow through on the advice. But you make it sound like people are FORCING you to do things beyond your control.

I think it's just in your nature.

[kml]

The reason to see a lawyer before you talk to him about money, is to find out where you STAND. That does NOT affect your ability to get him to put you on the business, so long as you don't go BLABBING to him that you've seen a lawyer! And the lawyer may well help you with strategy as to how to GET H to put you on the business before you broach anything else.

I DO have concerns about this whole business thing. He doesn't sound very logical about it, and it sounds like the profits from this business are very illusory. I mean, what exactly have his tax returns looked like for the last several years? Is he actually drawing a good profit/salary from this business, or is it always being plowed back into more inventory in the hopes of "someday" turning a profit? What exactly would an honest profit and loss statement from this business look like?

[job]

Magic,
KML and I have been advising you to seek legal advice about the business for a very long time. Just because you seek advice, doesn't mean you SHARE it w/your SO. It's to help you negotiate in a more business like manner and know exactly what you are up against if he offers up something that isn't fair or equal. It's not a scare tactic to use against him, but to give you knowledge about what your rights are.

As for the comment, no it's not bullying. He is stating his opinion, just as you are stating yours. I think, from reading your postings, that your attitude triggers some of the negative feedback you get from him. Your pit bull attitude hasn't changed and neither has your thinking. You continue to stay you are working on these things, but I continue to see them in your conversations. Again, my perception from your postings.

Now, about the pocket dialing...don't play games. Be real and honest. Let's face it, you wanted him to think you were out and about, as well as having a great time. However, on the other hand, had it done this to you, you would have been madder than an old wet hen. Keep in mind, you were out having a great time and yet, you were obsessed w/him possibly having a cup of coffee w/a woman. Learn to choose your battles and don't play games...he'll know if you are real or not.

It's your call as to whether you seek the advice of a lawyer, but we all know how businesses and relationships can go down in flames whereby the money is gone in a heartbeat and we have to start over. He can promise you the moon today and if things continue to sour between you, he can change his mind...oral agreements can be broken w/a snap of a finger. Documents w/signatures on the dotted line are far better because you have written proof and they will stand up in court.

May I ask you a question? Why are you here if you aren't going to take some of the advice and use it to your advantage? You've been given excellent advice, advice that a counselor would give you and yet, you are determined to do things your way, which by the way isn't getting you anywhere fast. You are the hamster on the wheel, constantly running in circles and getting no where fast. Step off that wheel and learn to trust the posters...we've learned the hard way and have been at it for quite some time.

[makingmagic]

Bullying ~ let me explain further. It is h's comment/desire to downsize the business to a more manageable inventory. Yet, each time he hears of more product for sale, he is convinced HE NEEDS them. He likes to be able to turn over a quick buck. Feels they are easy for sales. Now, this may be true...BUT, if we weren`t overwhelmed with stock already & had a place to put more, Ì`d be more on board with his thought process. Sometimes, his reasoning makes sense as we need to protect our investment and not allow competitors to buy the same product. We have a niche market. I understand that! But, to buy random product for the sake of his thrill??? What happened to the "plan"? HIS PLAN??

When this happens (almost daily or every few days), I feel his pressure and hear his persistance. Or, he will also say things like "do what you want then", with a snarky tone... these have been tactics to force me to bid/buy as he knows I JUMP to his demands. I was also doing so fearing that If I didn't he would be mad at me. And, he has been mad in the past. I have also been caving fearing what would happen to our relationship. He knows this and takes advantage. Yesterday, his persistance escalated ~ saying that he should be on his own so he didn't have to share profit. This is a new level for us. He has never said this before. He could never run this business without me (not at this level), just as I cannot without him... It is tooo large and we have a unique system that works. Because of each others qualities.

Again... I understand protecting our investment, therefore we "need" certain inventory... but not randoms. Not when our inventory is out of control!

There are 4 more to consider today.... grrrr! Here we go again.

Is it not considered bullying when ones persistance force is used to intimidate another?... yep, just wiki'd it... Thats whats happening!

I am intimidated by him! How do I approach him with this? If I use the label "emotional bully" he will freak! But, he needs to see that we are not following HIS PLAN to downsize. He totally disregards this convo while we are in the process of discussing the next purchase.

Lawyer ~~ yes, I do feel the need to seek councel. I fear this and am avoiding it, as mentioned I am still involved with another battle from my D's bio dad. I am not looking forward to anymore legal stuff. I have been battling that one for 20 years! I hate it! I hate my lawyer. I don't trust them! She took advantage of me and profitted unnecessarily on my dime. I wanted to go to a lawyer with facts and an agreement in place just requiring to sign the dotted line. I am exhausted of this process. I will do it, however.

kml ~ over the years we have not taken much salary. We have divided the salary, but kept most of it in the business. Thus allowing us to have a massive inventory. ATM, the profits are shown in the bank account (highest its ever been), as well as sitting in inventory. Since I do the books, I can look at P&L statements, but don't know what I am reading. I never claimed to be a book keeper. I just do data entry as needed and trust our accountant.

I hope some of this clarifies better. I am not debating anyone, just trying to give more information to my sitch.

Thanks all!

[makingmagic]

oh to add, I see what you mean Snodderly that it may just be his opinion.

But, what happens when 2 opinions collide? who wins? He does, everytime !! I know its not about winning... but his opinion is the only one that matters.

What happened to the goal? Do I have to keep buying vehicles that we do not need? Do I cave in? (just to avoid this disagreement of purchasing?)

How is my pitbull attitude not changing? In areas of other arguements, I have completely backed off. I do not get baited. I try not to engage.