Not New to This Anymore

[steveh27]

Do it without conflict. Do it without pressure. Just let her know that these are the biggest decisions you have had to make in your entire life, and you don't want to have any regrets. Tell her you just need some time to really think about your decisions....just a little time.

Yeah I just tried.

M: W I just want to explain something without anyone getting angry or misunderstood.

W: Okay - what's up.

M: We have a mediation meeting tomorrow. I would like to put it off for a bit until I can better understand some of the hard decisions I need to make.

W: silence

M: I clearly don't want to upset you and my intentions are not to stall this process, but I just want a little time to digest everything still. Our last meeting I felt that I was making some decisions that were made in anger somewhat. And I think you could sense that. I don't want to have to repeat that.

W: What kind of time are you looking for ... days, weeks a year?

M: I can't answer that specifically but I know days is not what I'm looking for and obviously a year is also not what I'm saying.

W: I'm not sure what this is going to accomplish. I am just confused.

M: I am confused also - it's only been a couple of months and I don't want to make these life changing decisions hastily.

W: We have all the decisions made - we only have the length of maintenance left and some other small issues.

M: I understand that but those decisions aren't final yet and they are not small issues.

W: I dont have time to talk anymore ... fu. [Click.]


Well - that could've went better. I texted back and I asked if I heard that last part right. She said "Like you say - our emotions are high and I'm angry". I didn't answer back. I think anymore right now would be counter-productive and I wanted this to sit for awhile. However she texts back again.

W: I am mad but I don't understand.

M: I don't want conflict - I really really don't. I just want you to understand my point of view - just a little bit. Your decisions have been made apparently for awhile. I feel like I am forced on your timeline - please have a little compassion.

W: I dont want conflict either. Ironically the mediator just called to confirm tomorrow - Im assuming you didn't call yet. I dont mind waiting till next week but I have a concern putting off listing the house as I was told interest rates are going up and that could work against us.

M: Thx - I didn't call yet. I will call when I get a minute.

At this point, I dont want to get into her forcing me into a week timeframe again and making things worse. It's good that she came back and tried to ease the tension though. However I think it's to keep this going on the amicable path, which is really what I want also but at the same time trying delay this.

I feel like I'm living the game of thrones at times and everything is done with an agenda. My only agenda is to try and keep my M and family intact but I feel I need to weave these multiple threads of: doing this amicably, not rocking the boat, keeping my own interests secure, keeping the kids happy, making myself a better man, having a PMA during all this and filling my W's love jar without looking like a desperate slouch for doing so.

For those that do watch GoT I have this quote in my head when I think I have it figured out then I come back to reality.

"You know nothing John Snow."