Yeah. I think you're right - I think I do battle with codependency at times. Oddly enough, I think a lot of it stems from putting so much faith and trust that my M would just "be there". Now this thing that I was counting on being so consistent in my life just totally vanishes and it feels like my arm is missing. Notwithstanding, my shock and angst from the "mini bomb" a few weeks is lessening and I am getting back to regular DB, single life again.
XW and I had made plans to do some work on the house this summer.....minor things, but I am sticking with them after previously going numb about them. S and I still live there.....so it matters.
Speaking of S, funny thing happened yesterday.....
So I was driving down a two lane highway through the desert yesterday on the way to see my parents after work. My S is becoming increasingly verbal at age 3 and usually comments on what he sees out of the window or whatever is going through his rapid-processing mind at the time. I always interact and try to get him to talk more.....then, out of nowhere, he hits me with this sharp left turn.....
"Mommy's coming back for you, daddy. Mommy loves you."
Now, keep in mind that I say NADA about my situation or feelings about XW to S...ever. And I am fairly certain she employs the same policy. So I don't know where that came from at all....but he neither hesitated nor stuttered. Probably was just him "talking".... but part of me wanted it to have meaning. And I will admit, there was a strange peace/calm that hit me after he said that. Of course, I also choked up a bit because that was such an amazingly sweet thing for him to say considering he doesn't know now much I miss his mom. I told him that as was a kind thing to say and let it go.
