Well we all know not to snoop, and yet most of us do it anyway! Honestly I haven't tried any kind of snooping for months and months, but I was logging into Facebook for the first time in who-knows-how-long and it gave me two login options. Curiousity got the better of me and I logged in as W. Apparently she's never changed her password since S. I ran across a conversation she was having with an old schoolmate who is a breast cancer survivor. W's sister just went through a double mastectomy along with chemo and radiation treatments less than a year ago, and that's how the conversation started. I'll just post W's comments, and just the ones that are pertinent:
"I live in (xxx) & Mom lives just outside of (xxx), about 90 mins away. She is plugging along like a freight train, just like your mom sounds, always busy! I'm also separated & planning to start divorce paperwork tonight. It's been tough."
"Well, the whole separation/div is my doing so I have a lot of guilt about that. I tried, but then after 20 years, I was finished walking on pins and needles, hated the example I was setting for my children by doing that so I told him I was finished. That's when he said he would try, that he would treat me better and to his credit he has but I just can't do it anymore. When our 20th anniversary was approaching I kept catching myself thinking I'd rather be dead than live another 20 years like this & then when my Sis got sick, it just depressed me to think of having him take care of me. It's sad, but now my stress is about the kids, how jumping from house to house impacts them. I do get to see them almost everyday, we live 5 mins apart for that reason. Oh, well, didn't know you were opening Pandoras Box, did you?"
"I was in a physically & emotionally abusive relationship in college. (She's talking about an ex-BF, and I did know about this, he threatened to kill her many times and held a knife to her throat a couple of times) I understand that your not supposed to be ashamed, that its not your fault, but you still don't want everyone knowing about it. I really don't think (AnotherStander) meant to be emotionally abusive, but he was so wrapped up in his own depression & denial, he didn't realize what he was causing. I think I feel bad because I built that wall between us to protect myself & now he is on antidepressants and has worked very hard to have a positive attitude & I just don't want to even try. I know it's the wrong way, but I met a man that treats me like a princess and he treats my children well. He does things with them that I always envisioned a father doing with his children. If I hadn't met him, I wouldn't have had the courage to leave & I would have kept my children in that environment forever and (AnotherStander) wouldn't be better like he is today. I feel like I am a very bad person for not going back & trying again. My girls keep asking when I'm going to get divorced. They see the changes in him too, but its not enough of a change that they are wanting me to go back to him. He is a very strong personality & I am not. I think we would end up where we were before, only next time, I might be too old to leave. I had my tissue samples this morning and the way the doctor is talking, it looks like cancer to her, but she said it doesn't look like it is as big as my sisters tumor. Will get results tomorrow. Love you!"
"It is cancer. Next is MRI on July 3."
Lots of info there, some rewriting of history, a revelation that "suspected" OM really is OM, but the most alarming piece of info is that W has breast cancer and hasn't told anyone. I talked to her sister a few times when she was going through it and it was brutal. I of course want to help W in whatever way I can, based on the above she doesn't want me involved but that may change now that it's confirmed. I'm not going to say anything until she tells me though, but at least now I can think about what to say to her so I am prepared when she does tell me.
