Take it to the limit

[Takevowsserious]

You guys

rH, I like Blake Sheldon, like that song. "Honeybee" was a song I used to sing to S5 when he was little, and I still call him honeybee

I also like "She Wouldn't Be Gone".

You and H seem to connect over music - I think songs can be powerful that way.
Thank you for this song

FY ~ I'm glad you got something from my earlier post.

I think we are right not to accept that our spouses don't love us. I have continually believed that my H still loves me. Still do.

Being there for each other during our darkest times, isn't that what unconditional love is all about?

Linda, you are always so positive! To tell you the truth, I'm really not feeling a hug today. If by some crazy miracle he hugs me, then great. But I'm not giving him one, feel like it would be forced.

Dear UW ~ I don't know how I would make it through without your gentle guidance. I honestly can't thank you enough, so sorry if if seems like I'm always repeating myself.

That weight on my chest is very heavy right now. You would think I would be excited and happy for him to come home. And a part of me is. But I am feeling such stress and anxiety.

I think because my expectation is that he will come home and go on and on about how great his trip was, in a sense rubbing it in my face. Even if that isn't his intention.

So I'm trying to prepare for that.

It might be easier if I didn't still feel that connection between us. But I do. And I think underneath the depression fog, he feels it too.

Thank you for that last paragraph. If this is where I'm meant to be at this point in time in my life, then so be it.

[makingmagic]

Hi TVS... just wanted to offer my support too. You sure are a great source of strength and compassion for your h. I admire you.

Hoping that the homecoming is a smooth one. Keep us posted.

Tx,

wfm/mm

[uRworthy]

Being there for each other during our darkest times, isn't that what unconditional love is all about?

That is exactly what it is all about, T. Loving without conditions.

I'm really not feeling a hug today. If by some crazy miracle he hugs me, then great. But I'm not giving him one, feel like it would be forced.

You feel what you feel. Trust your wonderful instincts. I honestly can't thank you enough.

You are so very welcome. T. There is no greater joy for me than to know I may have helped you in some way.

That weight on my chest is very heavy right now. You would think I would be excited and happy for him to come home. And a part of me is. But I am feeling such stress and anxiety.

I know exactly what you are feeling. You do not know how this has changed your feelings or his.

I think because my expectation is that he will come home and go on and on about how great his trip was, in a sense rubbing it in my face. Even if that isn't his intention.

So I'm trying to prepare for that.

I get the trying to prepare yourself for that possibility, but, dont get ahead of yourself here. Get into the right mindset, T. A very pleasant, sounds like you had a nice trip, good for you kind of a thing, right?

It might be easier if I didn't still feel that connection between us. But I do. And I think underneath the depression fog, he feels it too.

It would be easier, but, then you wouldnt still be standing. I believe he feels it, too. The thing is, his crisis is preventing his heart from getting to his jello brain.

You are exactly where you are supposed to be on your life's journey, T. Doesnt mean you will always be in this spot, but, this is where you are supposed to be today.

[Takevowsserious]

Thanks mm for stopping by

And thanks for keeping me grounded UW - it's certainly a full- time job lol!!!

Sooo.....

H told me yesterday when we spoke on the phone that he wasn't sure of his flight time, but he thought he would be home around 4:00 pm. He would call me when he was close to home - the airport is about an hour away.

Well, of course 4:00 came and went with no word from H. I was irritated to say the least. I made dinner, went on with our evening here. When it got to be around 5:30, I started to get really pisssed.

I thought - have some freakin courtesy a- hole!

He calls around 5:45. Said his flight was delayed two hours because of storms. I said, I wondered what happened, we were beginning to worry about you. He said he would be home in about 15 minutes.

Now this is where it gets interesting...

When he gets home, we are playing out in the backyard. He comes out on the deck to say hello. Says hello to the boys, who give him a half- hearted hello and keep on playing. He seemed - idk - a little put off by this? He says something like "wow, what a warm reception. Guess I'll go unpack." Which he did.

Not that he made any effort to go out to the yard to see or hug his children that he hasn't seen for several days. Jerk.

There was definitely zero vibe for a hug. And I'm talking on my end.

Comes back out when he's done, showered and in his jammies. He gives the boys their gifts, which they like. No gift for me, big surprise lol! S5 asked him a shark question, and H said he would go look up answer on iPad and be back.

Except he never came back out. Instead, he went inside to watch tv. Nice.

He has been scratching like crazy tonight. In his words, his itchiness "is out of control". Said his stomach is really bothering him too, has been for the past few days.

Of course some texting too. Looks like he didn't leave that at the beach lol!

He asked me how things were here. I told him all about his sister's visit. He was quiet. He told me a little about his trip. I asked a few benign questions about golf and eating seafood while he was there.

He gets a call on his phone from an acquaintance who wants to drop off something. When the guy gets here, H doesn't invite him in, and instead stays outside talking to him in our driveway for an hour and a half.

Bizarre!!!!

So no warm homecomings here. H seems pretty miserable if you ask me. I guess returning to reality life with your family svcks compared to living in a fantasy world.

I'm giving him plenty of space. Who knows what's really going on in that head of his. I know he missed the boys, yet he's acting so strange.

Yep Linda, I got that blender working overtime. Think I need some cheesecake too.

Can't wait to see what tomorrow brings

[Raine]

T that reception has got to be making his mind spin. At some point he has to realize life is moving on without him. I'm really impressed how you hold everything together. I'm sure he is miserable. You can't do wrong and feel right.

[job]

T,
I am so sorry he didn't phone home to tell you his flight was delayed. That was so rude of him. But, that's how most of them are when in crisis...they just don't think. Sounds like this trip made his guilt a bit uncomfortable if he's itching and having stomach problems. Guilt has a way of working on the mind and body.

That is very strange about his friend stopping by and spending so much time w/him outside. Interesting that he calls right after he gets home.

I do hope today is a better day for you and the boys.

Again, I am very sorry that he wasn't "warmer" towards you and the boys upon his arrival home. What a jerk.

[reachingHigher]

Sigh. Not the homecoming that you (and we) wanted. Such a selfish man. I know he wasn't always that way but it's hard to remember that when he is acting that way.

When my H was packing for this trip and then after he came back and shared a lot of details about it....I was thinking how I wasn't around for his trip in October and I was glad. There are a lot of benefits sometimes to not having the MLcer at home.

I'm so sorry you have to go through this. You said these next two months would be tough and you are right. When is your birthday? The milestones can be difficult.

Thinking of you today. I want to make it better, and I can't

rH

[Takevowsserious]

Hi Raine ~ you know, sometimes I think nothing can make these MLCers happy. It's quite possible that if the boys would have been clinging to him, saying how much they missed him, that would have bothered him too.

Because really, it is about him and his guilty conscience. Everything gets twisted and skewed and mangled.

Hi Snodderly ~ I had zero expectations for me, but did expect he'd be better with the boys. It's so disappointing.

Just when I think I can't think any less of him or lose any more respect for him, he proves me wrong.

Is it wrong of me to find some satisfaction in the fact that his guilt is eating at him? Because right now, my compassion meter is on low. He's bringing so many problems on himself, and that is something I just cannot feel sorry for him about.

Hi rH ~ selfish is certainly a good way to describe him.

Even if he wasn't lying to me and was really golfing with the guys, he still had a p!ss poor attitude when he returned. Oh I'm sorry Mr. Entitled, must be soooo difficult coming back from your beach trip. Poor baby.

My birthday is at the end of August. I'm sure he'll be an inconsiderate a$$ as usual.

Just you being here does make me feel better. It really does. I know you get it, get all the emotions. Thanks

Our community is having some activities later that I want to take the boys to. H can come or not, I really don't care one way or another.

Alright, alright... Maybe I'll stick a few sparklers in my PMA to light it up

[uRworthy]

Ok, T, this connection we have is getting a little crazy now. My birthday is in August, too.

You know, I was thinking of your h last night. And, my first thought was I'd like a few minutes alone with him. LOL!

I was trying to put myself in his place. Hard to do, because I am not in a MLC. But, I tried.

And I thought how I would feel coming home. I would feel awkward and guilty and not quite sure of what to do or how to act.

I think you are right, he would have been even more uncomfortable had the boys been clinging to him.

Now you know I dont think MLC gives them a free pass to their actions. But, I feel like he is turning a corner in a way.

Something has to give. He is feeling it now. That's why the itching and all.

And sometimes when they are moving through, they move backwards a bit in trying to work things out.

So, I think you need to give him plenty of space to work this out.

His mind (what there is of it at this time - LOL!) is a churnin.

I, too, wish I could make it better for you, T. So very much.

I say, to heck with him right now - what are we eating and drinking?

[ForeverYoung]

Hi TVS. I agree with UR, your H does seem to be turning a corner of some sort.

Hi Raine ~ you know, sometimes I think nothing can make these MLCers happy.

Right, and he may be starting to realize this. He has to do this before he can come back to you.

Is it wrong of me to find some satisfaction in the fact that his guilt is eating at him? Because right now, my compassion meter is on low. He's bringing so many problems on himself, and that is something I just cannot feel sorry for him about.

Maybe you don't find satisfaction in him being in pain as much as you find it in the fact that he eventually will see that OW is not the cure for the crises he is in. Nothing wrong with that!

Hi rH ~ selfish is certainly a good way to describe him.

We all look out for ourselves. He just doesn't have the capacity right now to care much about you or your feelings. Doesn't mean he never will though.

My birthday is at the end of August. I'm sure he'll be an inconsiderate a$$ as usual.

I'd love to take you out for your B'day! All the other ladies here are invited. Sorry, no other dudes.