I am somewhat confused by her saying, "I do have to ask what slowing down the process is going to do. To me, it will seem to confuse the kids more. I am trying to take the appropriate steps given to me by my counselor to alleviate the confusion". I find it hard to believe that her counselor is telling her to rush through a divorce.....haha. She is simply picking and choosing what she WANTS to hear.
Now, take her letters into consideration with what you know about DBing. What she is saying in these long letters and conversations is simply SCRIPT. My wife told me the very same things. I think if we took a taly, most of us here have heard those same words. The WAS has to say these things. They have to believe them. The reason being, is the WAS has to convince not only you, but themselves as well, that they are making the right decision. I believe very much that your W wants this divorce and she wants it right now, at least I believe that to be true today. Tomorrow?... maybe she won't. Given TIME and CLARITY, most of us will make better decisions. All of her emotions (yours as well) are very raw right now. Hopefully, she will allow things to slow down so that you both can have a better opertunity to make solid decisions. You know this of course. She still needs to realize it, and at some point I think she will.
You are not going to find a clue to her wishing to reconcile in these letters. You won't find a clue anywhere. Trust me, everyone here has looked for them. Right now, your wife wants out. She wants to get away from you. What you have to do is remove the pressure. Give her some space. Be caring, but not overbearing. Let her see your 180's from a distance and be very consistent with them. Be upbeat. Be happy. Be the best dad you can be. Be attractive. What you are wanting to do is make her, over time, start to think about her choices. Your 180's need to be genuine.
Right now.... drag your feet, Steve. Do it in the best way you know how, but slow things down. Do it without conflict. Do it without pressure. Just let her know that these are the biggest decisions you have had to make in your entire life, and you don't want to have any regrets. Tell her you just need some time to really think about your decisions....just a little time.
