Not New to This Anymore

[steveh27]

thanks for responding sp:

If you don't make her feel pressured, and there is no conflict that she feels she needs to avoid, she is probably not going to push extremely hard on her own. At least, I don't think she will.

I think she is more focused the last couple of days because she wants to get the house listed. This is driving her. Is she having hard days also, sure, but I think some of that is the sitch and some is the grieving of the OM unfortunately. So my opinion, and yes i know I should be careful with my opinions, is that she is sympathetically considering my slowing down request but will still move forward regardless.

Yeah as you can imagine, i feel bi-polar with the way my days go. One day I want the pain to be over and start the healing process. Other days I want to slow it down in hopes I will have more time to show her the man I have become and will strive to be. But my expectations eventually get shown the door, and she brings me back to reality with a comment or action or long letter ...

She just wrote me one this morning that brought me crashing down. It was very nice but had everything in there that generally says, "we are moving on, use the tools we have learned for future relationships, I still care about you, someday someone will provide you everything you want and deserve ... etc". It was very long so I won't bore everyone with the details.

The W did mention again the slow down. Here is an excerpt ...

"I do have to ask what slowing down the process is going to do. To me, it will seem to confuse the kids more. I am trying to take the appropriate steps given to me by my counselor to alleviate the confusion. As uncomfortable as this is, I also need to ask why you put you ring back on. Again, it adds to the confusion. I'm not asking these questions to upset you, but rather to get a better understanding of where your thoughts are. I guess it's all part of the communication you are asking for."

The letter basically puts a lot into perspective and gives little or no hope of reconciliation. Yeah I know most feel i'm early in my sitch and crazier things have happened, but this has gone so fast so I've been forced to kind of react accordingly. My only thing I can do at this point is just continue even more to back away and detach. Of course the detach part is always the hardest for most people, especially me of late with the latest developments of the OM ending. It makes it very easy to have false hope.