Not confused...moving towards acceptance

[BRNR]

Hi all - just updating

Snodderly - I went out all weekend and partied like a 20 year old with friends and family. It was fun in the moment, but the after affects were not so good. I probably won't do that again. I have better things to do with my time and energy.

Boys came home Sunday looking so happy. I had to ask if they had a great weekend with Dad and both said yes. I found out Monday night that it was because OW wasn't around and they had Dad's full attention. I was happy for them. There was a clear difference in thier attitude.

On other news. I lost it last night. Cried, yelled, exclaimed that I would "punch that b!tch (ow) in the face if I ever saw her". This needs explanation...

Boys and I were out getting some groceries yesterday at the new grocery store in town. As we walked out, S10 asked what was the other part to the store, which is a liqour store. I told him, and he asked if we should go in there and I told him "No, only big people can go in there". so on the way out to the car, I was joking around with the boys about alcohol and that If I ever caught them, that I would hurt em....and then that is when it happened. S10 said OW offered my S14 alcohol several times when they were out to dinner a couple of months ago. I lost it...I cried and screamed when I got in the car. I even found out that H, went along with the coersion of my S14 taking a drink and OW also gave some to her D5. What a b1tch! And what an a$$ of my H, to even think that was okay. I asked them if it happened more times than one and if my S14 actually took the drink and if they had offered S10 too. All these were answered NO. I ended the conversation with telling both my boys that i was proud of S14 for making the decisions he did and not giving into the pressure. I told them that I didn't agree with OW's wreckless decision and that is why I didn't like her. I also told them that I didn't agree with their father's decision either. Both of my boys told me that they wish there OLD dad would return and that they did not like their NEW dad. I told them all that we could do was pray that their old dad did return one day. They asked me what I thought was wrong with him, and I told them that I didn't know, but that H wasn't making good decisions and I was only concerned about when those decisions affected them. I got the whole "well we really don't like being around Dad anymore, can we just not go over there?". I told them they need to discuss their feelings with their Dad and express everything they express to me to him. I am not sure that my kids are at the breaking point yet that they have the courage to do so.

I am so sad and mad for them. I want to protect my children, and because of the f'd up legal system I can't do anything about any of what is going on. I am trying to build up the strength in my kids. It seems they are going to have to see some ugly things.