Take it to the limit

[Takevowsserious]

Thank you, U. This was the last thing I read before I went to bed last night. I went to sleep with a good feeling in my heart.

You are right, the knowledge of what is going on is always there. For me, it's this weight on my chest that is always there. What fluctuates is how heavy that weight is.

Sometimes I wonder what I'm actually trying to accept. That my H doesn't love me anymore? To be honest, I don't accept that. At all.

I accept that he is in crisis. That he has a deep pain within himself. That he is not that man I married. That he has disappointed and hurt me in ways I never thought possible.

But I also accept that I have been loving, loyal, and kind to him even when he was more than less so to me. I accept that I have done everything to shelter my kids from all of this. I accept that I have done everything to keep our family intact, even when it was beyond painful to me.

You know, I have given my H many chances for an out. I have told him he is free to leave if he would be happier. That I did love him enough to let him go.

Yet almost a year and a half later, here he still is. I do ask myself, why?

We have weathered other storms, some pretty bad ones too. None as destructive as this. I still have hope that we will be together in the end.

Not sure what the repercussions of this trip will be, or if there will be any. I guess time will tell.

Thanks again for understanding and being here. It means more than you could imagine