Questions without answers...will the hurt stop?

[RosaLinda]

"Right now I have 4 sole mates who are adults, but are still looking at me as mom, so tomorrow we party! It will be my S's 22nd bday and I'm grilling, making a huge bowl of Hawaiian salad, and pulling out the water guns."

I love love love that you posted this Dawn Marie. Our crazy MLC idiot H's will wander in and out of our lives, but our kids are our kids and will love us forever. My youngest son lives at home, and is so supportive. Always offering to throw his dad out to the street LOL!

You sound strong and resolved today. You've been thru so much, with your H and with your parents too. I think it will do you good to have some peace for a bit.

Do you follow Ruby's thread (Kate's Place)? She and her H just separated, and someone named Breakdown wrote a great post to her, that you might find also applies to you:

"I'm only a week divorced, but now that I've really let go, now that W sees me truly moving on without her, buying my own place, looking at the possibility of dating, etc., now is really the first time I think she actually sees the real loss (and has really starting pursuing!). Before, the relationship was still there, on some level...I was still holding her hand, still chasing her to a point, still wanting it to work. Sound similar?

So with that said, I look at your sitch as very positive. You have been good to your H thoughout this, you have shown him your positive changes, you have continued to work on you. Now, you need to let him go and let him see if he misses that enough to make some changes in himself. As long as you keep feeding part of his needs, as long as he's comfortable with the relationship, he'll probably continue to waffle and avoid facing his demons, just like my W did."

I'm not thinking this would work in my sitch, as if H and I divorce, he will immediately marry his RT. so he won't be missing me LOL. But hopefully your new boundary will wake your H up and help him turn the corner. 

Have fun at the birthday party! With love, Linda Marie