Going In Circles

[shouldistillhope]

Advina,

I know your right. I know you have more wisdom through these difficult experiences than i have, but i hope to someday gain the wisdom and knowledge that only time will provide.

I think to myself some days that i am getting pretty good at all this, then i have those moments of self doubt washing over me and i realize i have a long way to go.

I feel like i am trying to convince myself that she is the one that is wrong only to realize each time i reflect upon this that it is because of my own stubborn faults that we are in the mess i have created.

I can look to the past and see vividly the times i have caused her pain by choosing to ignore her feelings or by not valuing her opinion on certain things.

If i continue to place blame on her, i don't feel as though i will make any progress on myself because it prevents me from getting myself better. Something i have to do in order to even have a chance with her post D.

Its very hard to admit ones own faults, but i think its time i did and make an effort to correct them.

I keep asking God to see me through all this, but i think he is telling me that he will be there for me as long as i am willing to put forth the effort.

Thanks again Advina and everyone who stops by to offer support.

I guess i am not as far along as i thought.

[MrBond]

First off, I will tell you that no matter what you do, your W will condemn you and consider you the enemy. Are you sure she doesn't have an OM?

Also, when she starts talking down to you like that. Stop her at the beginning of it and look her dead in the eye and tell her that you will not be talked to in that manner and that you deserve respect. Then walk away. So far validating her hasn't had any affect, so try this. Start asserting yourself.

[shouldistillhope]

Thanks for the advice Mr. Bond. I can tell you that the thought of OM has crossed my mind and I asked her straight up during the ilybnilwy day. She said absolutely not. I then asked her if she was having an EA and she asked what that was, and then said no. I believe her for the most part but the EA would not surprise me at all I guess. I don't know that I would say anything to her at this point with D being final next week.

Are you seeing things differently? Maybe I am being blind to the possibility of OM but she has always stressed fidelity to me throughout our M.

I guess I try and make sure to validate, yet stick up for myself without arguing but I cross that line too much it seems. It is sometimes hard for me to be the bigger person.

The reason the EA seems like a possibility is because the night of BD she said she sees the changes in me but she is no longer willing to change or try.

Maybe you see something I don't or don't want to regarding OM.

[shouldistillhope]

Got a text from W last night asking if i could pick up the boys from daycare when i get back to work on the house. I said i could as long as she was willing to pick up supplies for the house before she got back. I then finished the text by stating that while i was there i wanted her to treat me with respect and there was no reason for her to treat my the way she did the evening before.

She texted back "i will pick the stuff up."

After S7 baseball game last night i mentioned to her that i would be coming over the following night to try finish up the house. She looked at me and said the final D papers were ready and i had to go sign them.

Battle is lost. Don't yet know about the war.

[shouldistillhope]

Had an interesting morning so far at work. I was sitting here trying my best to keep a PMA when one of the supervisors came up to me and mentioned that one of our two QC inspectors was fired very recently.

We talked a bit about it and he then mentioned that he mentioned me as a possible replacement. Then he asked if i would be interested since he had to go to a meeting this morning to discuss who was recommended.

About 20 minutes ago the head QC inspector stopped by and told me to come stop by his office today when i had some downtime. Sounds interesting. Would involve some classes and schooling out of town, but i am keeping my fingers crossed.

After what happened this past weekend with W and with D being final in only 8 days, i could use some good news.

Wish me luck!

[lovethehub]

Should I,

Great news on the job, I will send positive thoughts your way for it to work out.

I was just catching up on the last few pages of your thread and I am wondering, if your wife is buying you out of the house, why you are busting your butt (& giving up time with your boys) to make it so nice for her? If you are selling, I understand but it sounds like she wants you to make it perfect for her to keep. I know there is no advice there, just an observation that this seems wrong.

Hang in there, sounds like it has been getting a little rough. Detach as best you can and try to find time to GAL, even if it takes a little longer on the house. You are on YOUR timeline, not hers.

[shouldistillhope]

LTH,

Thanks for sending the positive thoughts.

In the beginning (during BD) W mentioned that her preference was to stay in our house but she couldn't afford it on her own. She then mentioned she wanted to move to the same city as me so that we could share joint custody of our kids.

She has been all over the place with her comments, one day mentioning she is going to start dating but not right away, the next day she will never get married again. And even better yet, she mentioned that she wanted to be in the same city as me because she wouldn't ever be able to get someone else to move into OUR house with her ever again. (apprx. 35 min. commute each way every day)

Getting this house done seems to be to my benefit as well, although i am burned out working on it now for 8 years off and on. If i get it done and on the market, it means more time with my kids.

I am almost starting to wonder if she has already found OM or he is waiting in the wings and she is using me for her backup plan. Nothing would surprise me anymore i guess.

I made sure that the L put in the D paperwork that if the house wasnt sold after 1 year, she would have to refinance it into her name so i could get a place of my own. That part was to protect me from living in my sisters basement for any extened amount of time, although i hope it doesn't come to that.

At times i want to tell her to look me in the eyes and tell me honestly that she has not found or wasn't having a EA or PA, but i don't know what purpose that would serve me anymore anyway.

Too many thoughts to process at once for right now.

Thanks for stopping by.