Questions without answers...will the hurt stop?

[albamarie]

For the 5 year period of trouble

I looked at your signature block that said "brief MLC", 2008, and then the affair, and the other stuff that happened.

You seem to minimize his issues when WE mention them as long standing problems

actually what it reads is.....MLC 2008, Brief A 2010,

Meaning his MLC started in 2008, he had a brief A (brief by my standards, 3months) which was still during his MLC jag considering it's still alive and kicking today.

No minimizing his issue at all! I have been very open and free every step of the way, through all the crazy stages and verbal vomit. NOt only as a way to work it out in my mind, get feedback and release, but it has helped those who's H's don't speak a word.

In speaking about him I work out and seek how to deal w the sitch in hand. I have openly said I don't GAL very well, but I am long out of the PTSD that I was told to deal w by my C.

IMO your focus should either be on creating a new happy life without him, or a new happy life around him, but with zero expectations of him, ever...

I agree 100 percent and I have had a long road to get to this point of wanting to do so as apposed to "having" to do so because he forced it upon me. I don't react well to tough love or ripping the bandaid off quickly, which is what he was trying to do.

Now that I am not responsive to him, or even interested (in my own time frame) he want's to put the bandaid back on an unhealed wound to cover it up. Well, it is no longer what he want's and I am Standing for me now!

that dropping the rope relieves, is often the trigger for the WAS to change.

but we cannot drop the rope BECAUSE we want them back.

dropping the rope ( tho I'm not sure exactly what that entails) is what I am doing. I am not at all compelled to do or not do anything involving him out of my own will to GTF away from him. It very freeing to not feel like a fraud anymore validating him and being nice.

At this time in my life, and for my kids, there is nothing left to Stand for in this M. He is a stranger to me. I have better things to work toward that I am sure will yield a positive result.

The idea that there is only one sole mate for each of us sounds like a crazy system!

Right now I have 4 sole mates who are adults, but are still looking at me as mom, so tomorrow we party! It will be my S's 22nd bday and I'm grilling, making a huge bowl of Hawaiian salad, and pulling out the water guns.

I'm filling my huge yard w everyone and anyone who wants to live life and eat too much! I'm GAL, a little more everyday, someday's not so good, but the balance is tipping!