I don't feel dumping the spouse for another is an answer. Yet I'm not sure how to survive the next 30 years.
You can try gently pushing your marriage in all the other directions that are not divorce. For example, I once asked my wife if she would mind if I had a female friend with benefits. I said I don't even have anybody in mind and was just asking theoretically. But it made the point in a way that's different from just trying to pressure one's spouse into sex. It made my wife think about the fact that I had other options. It also put her in the spot of having to realize that perhaps it's not reasonable to expect your spouse to be celibate just you want to be celibate.
And perhaps, if your spouse is like mine, he might reluctantly prefer your having a FWB than having to put up with a lot of sex.
Another thing, I think, is there are both physical and psychological truths for both men and women to the saying, "use it or lose it" when it comes to sex. Resuming sex with your spouse or someone else after 10 or 20 years might not be the same as resuming it after a 3-month hiatus. I've heard that for some there can be an unexpected "awkwardness". For others there might be the challenge of accepting that a new person could be sexually very different from your old spouse. Or there could be new physical issues like dryness, arousal difficulties, etc., related to years of assuming the opposite sex is generally rejecting of your sexuality. Or just the many hormonal and physical effects of aging. It's not possible to perfectly maintain all of those aspects over the long haul by just having an active imagination and having sex with yourself.
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You cannot make your wife "Seek to explore her inner self". All you can do is provide a supportive atmosphere, open the door and hope that she will walk through it.
Excellent advice. In retrospect, there's a tendency for the interested spouse to assume too much of the responsibility and blame. I used to run around trying to fix everything my wife said was blocking her sexual desires, only for her to come up with still new reasons. I no longer do that and we have a much more peaceful marriage now.
I get annoyed with the endless little 3-minute talk show segments on "tuning up your love life" by going out to a restaurant, getting a babysitter, helping with the chores. Seriously? If that advice alone worked for everyone there would be no need for therapists.
Well we all know this strategy, may appear logical and make sense but in the reality it does not work very well. It actually makes things worse.
