Take it to the limit

[reachingHigher]

I'm not having a good PMA day.

Tvs, I so understand!

I have been and sometimes still am resentful of my H in that he can still party, golf, shop, eat out, whenever he wants and assumes I'm taking care of everything. Which I am. And if we do something together, he doesn't think twice about who will care for S13.

And I remember last year feeling so annoyed how my H said what he loved about life on his own was getting up whenever he wanted, listening to whatever music he wanted as loud as he wanted, eating whenever and whatever he wanted, etc. etc. Things that you can't exactly do when running a household. Well...you can a little bit, but you know what I mean!

And....it is so much harder alone when the boys are little!

Last night S13 asked me if I remembered a convo last summer. The boys asked me before bed if I had locked the shed and I became emotional and said exasperatedly "I can't remember everything when I'm by myself without H here!"

It's been a struggle for me to want to see my H also tonight, but things are much farther along with us, so I am looking forward to it. But when he went away in October for two weeks it was a relief and I think you and GALb, and other kept me on track.

Tvs, rant and whine and complain all you want here. We really do all understand. I was a single mom for 2 1/2 years until H came into my life. It's hard to do it all alone and you have two little ones. And you're a great mom, beautiful woman, friend, and just all-around-lovely and fun person! And that takes a lot of energy.

Treat yourself easy today. Turn that expectation dial back to zero. And take some deep breaths. And let your H walk his journey. I know you know these things. Just reminding you. And know you are not alone. Even when it feels it.